Onesies

 And now a salute to chalk, on its special day.

Chalk is what you grew up with in elementary school, lying there in its little tray at the bottom of the blackboard. It's what you wrote math problems with in front of the whole class, and what you got them wrong with in front of the whole class. Chalk is what you had to break in half when it was new, or else it would send up an almighty squeak when you tried to write with it.

Chalk dust is what you banged out of the erasers when it was your turn to bang the erasers together. It's what turned your fingers white or yellow or green or blue. And it's what will be all over San Antonio next weekend, when the NCAA's Chalk Four convenes to decide who's best at putting a round ball through a round hoop.

"Wait, I thought it was the Final Four, not the Chalk Four," you're saying now.

Well, yes. And no. And on second thought (or third), yes, because it's actually both.

That's because all four No. 1 seeds are still standing in Da Tournament, which makes this the chalkiest March since 2008, the only other time the Final Four was an all-onesie party. March Madness? The hell is that? The only thing less mad than this March is the March of Dimes, or maybe a good old John Phillips Sousa march.

Here's how predictable (aka, boring) this has been: In two of the four Elite Eight games, all of which involved 1s, 2s and 3s seeding-wise, 1-seed Houston paved 2-seed Tennessee by 19 and 1-seed Duke washed 2-seed Alabama by 20. And in the third of the four games, 1-seed Auburn never trailed after jetting out to a 23-8 lead on 2-seed Michigan State, who eventually expired by six.

Only 3-seed Texas Tech kept the weekend from being a total sleep aid, leading 1-seed Florida by nine with 2:55 to play. But then Thomas Haugh bottomed a pair of threes and Walter Clayton Jr. scored eight points in the last 1:47, and the Gators survived, 84-79.

Now they'll get Auburn for the second time this season, while Duke faces Houston. The Blue Devils are the Final Four betting favorite, on account of their average margin of victory in Da Tournament so far is a nail-biting 23.4 points.

Speaking of, you know, boring.

Hopefully, Houston can beat that 23.4-point spread against the Dukies. Hopefully, Florida-Auburn replicates Florida-Texas Tech. 

Although the first time the two met this season, Florida won by nine. At Auburn.

Ah, well.