Hope sproings ...

 ... as opposed to "hope springs", because we're not havin' any of those usual Opening Day cliches.

Here at the Blob, see, we delight in turning traditional themes upside-down, so today there'll be no chatter about who's got a real shot at the World Series and who doesn't, and who will emerge to surprise and delight us as the weather warms. Will it be the Tigers? Will it be the Padres? Will it be the D-Backs or the Rays or the Blue Jays or the Royals, or maybe even the Chicago Bear Cubs, those annual dousers of hope?

Hell, I don't know. Didn't I just say we're not doing that here?

No, what we're focusing on instead is hope sproinging -- i.e., who will crush hope beneath the ruthless heel of pure awfulness, sending hope-parts flying everywhere. And, no, this does not mean another discourse on my Pittsburgh Cruds ("Thank God!" you're saying), who will likely be Cruddy again but have been eclipsed in Cruddiness by even more inept practitioners of the baseball arts.

Which is to say, let's talk that other team in Chicago, the White Sox.

Last season, you'll recall, the What Sox were the worst team in the history of the modern game, going 41-121 and finishing 53 games out of first in the American League Central. This means the winners of the Central, your Cleveland Guardians, beat them by almost a third of a season. In fact if the What Sox  had lost one more game or the Guardians had won one more, it would have exactly a third of a season.

But good news, What Sox fans, or fan!

The oddsmakers don't think that's going to happen again. Only, you know, almost.

The touts have the over-under for the What Sox at 53.5 wins, which would be 12.5 more a year ago. Twelve-and-a-half more Ws! Twelve-and-a-half more times when you'll be able to leave Guaranteed Rate Or Weight Or What-Have-You Field without saying, "That's the s****iest team I ever saw!"

OK, so you'll probably still say that. But at least you won't feel quite so lousy about it.

At any rate, even if 53.5 wins  is the lowest win total set by sportsbooks in more than 35 seasons (or so says ESPN Research), it's better than last year. Which means hope will still go sproing, but maybe not until tomorrow.

Today, Opening Day, the What Sox open at home against the Los Angeles Angels. The good news is the Angels were the second-worst team in the AL last season. The bad news is, at 63-99, they still finished 22 games ahead of the What Sox.

On the hill for the What Sox will be Sean Burke, a 25-year-old righthander from Sutton, Mass. The good news is he went 2-0 with a 1.42 ERA as a rookie last summer, striking out 22 and walking just seven in 19 innings of work. The bad news is he had a 6.75 ERA in spring training this year.

First pitch is scheduled for 4:10 this afternoon. So, play ball.

Or whatever.