The defiant ones

 It's too bad Spanish soccer capo Luis Rubiales isn't an American. Donald J. "Donny" Trump, the guy who still thinks he's President, would snap him up in a heartbeat to run as the Look At Us He-Men Walking Tall ticket.

They're both coming at the world from the same launch point these days, which is that they're both noble freedom fighters standing up to the Man. For the former-who-still-thinks-he's-President, the Man is the THOROUGHLY CORRUPT AND WEAPONIZED BIDEN JUSTICE DEPARTMENT, which is out to get him because he STOOD UP FOR ELECTION INTEGRITY, and they VIOLATED HIS FREEDOM OF SPEECH BECAUSE ALL HE DID WAS OFFER AN OPINION ABOUT THE 2020 ELE-

Sorry. Can't hang with Donny when it comes to hollering. I also can no longer keep a straight face while I'm doing it.

Let's hop over to Spain instead, where Donny has a kindred spirit indeed in Rubiales. Hauled on the carpet before his federation's general assembly, he was as arrogant and asshat-y as ever, continuing to insist his forced kiss on Spanish women's player Jenni Hermoso was consensual, refusing to resign and saying he'd "fight to the end". Called himself the victim of "social assassination."

They so love to play the martyr card, these guys.

Which is why the synergy between Rubiales and Donny is so perfect. The new mantra for Donny's impassioned groupies, after all, is "Never Surrender" -- exactly the stance Rubiales has taken, and which takes its cue from the groupies' fearless leader. 

The best part of that being, of  course,  Donny captioning his mugshot with it after surrendering yesterday. 

You can't make this stuff up. You really can't.

Why, T-shirts are already hitting the streets bearing Trump's gangsta-glower mug and "Never Surrender."  Of course, as with almost everything Trumpian, it's unintentionally comic to anyone with a reasonable amount of sanity or perspective. 

(Me, I think the man was going for the chilling Jack Nicholson glower in "The Shining." Trump being Trump, though, it comes off  more like a pouty child trying to look tough.)

("Never Surrender", meanwhile, just reminds me of "Galaxy Quest." Remember Captain Jason Nesmith's constant refrain? "Never give up! Never surrender!"?)

So, yeah. Trump and his Spanish doppelganger see themselves as knights in armor taking on tyranny; I just see Tim Allen in a "Star Trek" parody. Or maybe Tony Curtis and Sidney Poitier chained together in "The Defiant Ones."

That was no farce, but if you cast these two in the remake it could be nothing else. You'd just have to change the title a bit.

"The Defiant Ones," meet "The Derp-fiant Ones."