The Hype Flight is backing away from the terminal, and if you're not on it yet, America, too bad for you. You'll have to wait for the next Flight. Oh, wait, that's overbooked, so on standby you go.
What, you didn't hear the call for final boarding?
It came, presumably, the instant the New York Jets signed four-time Pro Bowl running back Dalvin Cook to a one-year deal north of $8 million yesterday, and after break-out 2022 rookie RB Breece Hall walked off the physically unable to perform list (i.e., PUP) this morning.
Dalvin Cook! Breece Hall! Punch One and Punch Two for Aaron Rodgers, who now has just oodles of weapons -- oodles, I tell you -- to make the NFL cry uncle this year!
Altogether now: THE JETS ARE LOADED! THE JETS ARE SUPER BOWL FAVORITES NOW! THE HYPE FLIGHT IS ON THE RUNWAY, POWERING UP FOR TAKEOFF!
Whew. All that yelling, it takes it out of the vocal chords.
But you're gonna hear more of it now, the Blob predicts, just like you heard it when Aaron fled Green Bay forJets green. He may be 39 now, but he's 29 at heart. He's got a whole new attitude! He smiles now! He EVEN GIVES BACKUP ZACH WILSON THE TIME OF DAY!
Sorry. I'll dial it down a notch, I promise.
This is because I've seen Hype Flights like this before, and they almost always get re-routed to Elmer P. McGillicuddy Airport in Hog Nuts, Iowa. Also these are the Jets we're talking about. They've been living off Super Bowl III and Joe Willie for 54 years now, invariably Jets-ing it up year after year and decade after decade since.
And so I know what's going to happen next, probably, just like everyone who's not Fireman Ed knows in his or her heart of hearts what's going to happen.
Breece Hall or Dalvin Cook or both will get hurt.
EarthyDaddy Aaron's receivers will start dropping a pass here and there, and he'll start sulking again, and everyone will suddenly remember he's been to one Super Bowl in 18 seasons, and last year he threw for fewer than 4,000 yards for the first time in six seasons, and threw double digit interceptions (12) for the first time since 2010.
The Jets will lose to Belichick twice because they're the Jets and they always lose to Belichick.
They'll go 10-7 or 11-6, get into the playoffs as a wild-card and lose on the first weekend.
After which Earth Daddy Aaron will start pouting and being a general pain in the tuchis again, and the Jets will eventually get as sick of him as the Packers did and ship him off to, I don't know, the Pottsville Maroons or someone.
You know what you'll hear next.
THE MAROONS ARE GOING TO THE SUPER BOWL!
Oops. Got carried away again.
No comments:
Post a Comment