Catching hell

Look, I know what a football play is. I saw one just a few minutes ago.

On video, I watched for about the sixth time as Jesse James of the Steelers wrapped his hands around the football, took a couple steps and then lunged toward the end zone with the ball extended out in front of him, still firmly grasped in both hands.

The football broke the plane. Then it came out of James' hands when he hit the ground -- which was irrelevant, because the play was over as soon as the football broke the plane.

Ergo, touchdown. In every football universe known to man.

Oh, wait. I forgot about the NFL.

I forgot about the NFL because it exists in a galaxy far, far away, where apparently Yoda decides that a touchdown you may have seen, but see correctly you did not. And so the zebras reversed the call, and the touchdown came off the board, and the Steelers win they did not. The Patriots won, if you want to call it that.

(Obvious headline: "Jesse James Gets Robbed." I mean, come on, it's just sitting out there, right?)

Anyway ... you can say the Patriots won. But, actually, the NFL rulebook did, if you want to get technical about it.

Let's do that.

Let's point out the most heinous thing about this heist, which is that the officials actually got the call right, according to the NFL rulebook. That's the real issue here: The NFL rulebook does not itself know what a catch looks like. You and me and Buddy Bill in Hog Wallow, Alabama, know what a catch looks like, but the NFL rulebook does not.

This is among many problems the NFL has that remain un-remedied, which means it's probably not going to be remedied anytime soon. The NFL has bigger fish to fry, like instituting more rules to keep its star quarterbacks from being killed, forcing upon its players its idea of patriotism (or rather, Our Only Available President's idea of patriotism) and overpaying Roger Goodell. Re-introducing common sense to what's a catch and what isn't is presumably way down the list.

And so, no, that wasn't a touchdown last night.

I mean, who are you gonna believe? The rulebook, or your lying eyes?