And now the last, final, this-is-it edition of the season of The NFL In So Many Words, the time-sensitive Blob feature of which critics have said, "Thank you, thank you, thank you, Lord!", and also, "Does 'time-sensitive' mean I can't hit you over the head with this giant clock?":
1. "Thank you, thank you, thank you, Lord!" (The Raiders, the Jets, the Browns, the Cardinals, the Giants et al)
2. "Thank you, thank you, thank you, Lord!" (Fans of the Raiders and Browns after they fired Pete Carroll and Kevin Stefanski, respectively)
3. "Thank you, thank you, thank you, Lord!" (Pete Carroll and Kevin Stefanski, presumably)
4. "Hey, look, you guys! We beat the Cowboys in an utterly meaningless game! Woo-hoo!" (The Giants)
5. "Hey, look, you guys! We won our last three utterly meaningless games after being eliminated from the playoffs!" (The Saints)
6. In other news, the Bears lost to the Lions but still clinched the No. 2 seed in the NFC because the Eagles rested everyone and lost to the Commanders; the Seahawks clinched the .top seed in the NFC by smothering the black-helmeted 49ers 13-3; and the Steelers missed an extra point but the Ravens retaliated by missing what would have been a game-winning field goal to hand Pittsburgh a playoff spot.
7. "Hey, look, you guys! We beat the kinda-sorta Eagles! Woo-hoo!" (The Commanders)
8. "Hey, look, you guys! We're in the playoffs and we have ... OK, Aaron Rodgers is older than dirt, but still! Woo-hoo!" (The Steelers)
9. "Hey, look, you guys! We clinched the top seed in the NFC and we have ... OK, we only have Sam Darnold, but still!" (The Seahawks)
10. "Look like clowns, play like clowns." (The 49ers in those black helmets)
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