A winter wonder-what-this-is land

 The New York Rangers beat the Florida Panthers 5-1 yesterday in the NHL's "Winter" Classic, and a good time was had by all. The game was played in the Florida Marlins' ballpark under sunny skies and temps in the low 70s, and, according to the ESPN account, "There was some artificial snow falling from the edges of the stadium ..

"A Southern setting (and) the ice was fine," Panthers coach Paul Maurice crowed. "The spectacle was incredible."

Well, that was his opinion.

Mine was more along the lines of, "Artificial snow? What in the name of  Eddie Shore are we doing here?"

A "Winter" Classic with fake snow, sunhats instead of toques (Canadian for "stocking cap") and shorts-and-flip-flops weather is not a Winter Classic, it says here. Although it might be the most NHL thing ever.

And, yeah, OK, so this is coming from one of those cranky old farts who go around saying "Consarn it!" and snarling about the designated hitter rule. I'll own that.  But if you're going to play a "Winter" Classic, it seems to me winter should somehow be involved.

After all, that was the whole idea behind an outdoor NHL game to begin with.

Originally it was about hockey reaching back to its roots, when kids in Canada and the northern tier of states learned the game playing on frozen ponds in freeze-your-nuts off weather. Your nose went numb and then your cheeks and eventually your feet, and the ice gradually turned powdery beneath your blades because no Zamboni's were available. That was hockey, by god.

And if it snowed?

Well. At least it was real.

Now, of course, the NHL has put a match to all of that. Now it's fake snow and banana daiquiris and board shorts, just as the NHL is now L.A. (which has itself hosted a "Winter" Classic, alas), and Tampa, and Dallas, and Charlotte. And, yes, Miami, home to the defending Stanley Cup champions.

Hence the NHL bringing the "Winter" Classic to a place that doesn't do winter. Hence a winter wonderland becoming a winter wonder-what-this-is land. And hence my suggestion that the Winter Classic never be played below the Mason-Dixon Line sounding laughably anachronistic.

That ship has sailed. I admit it.

I just wish it wasn't a cruise ship.