Today the Blob could let his inner curmudgeon out to play, growling about how it JUST WASN'T RIGHT that every major bowl game, including the Rose Bowl, was swallowed up by ESPN on New Year's Day, or how CONSARN IT we couldn't even watch the NHL Winter Classic because THAT was aired on TNT, and how because of that a lot of us creaky oldtimers missed out on a lot of cool stuff.
Like, literally, the coldest Winter Classic in history, in which the St. Louis Blues beat the Minnesota Wild, 6-4.
Like, maybe the wildest Rose Bowl in history, in which Ohio State beat Utah 48-45 and put up video game numbers, like quarterback C.J. Stroud's 573 passing yards and six touchdowns, and receiver Jaxon Smith-Njigba's insane 15-reception, three-touchdown, 347-yard day.
The inner curmudgeon won't grumble about any of it. That's because ESPN college football commentators Kirk Herbstreit and Desmond Howard already did it for him.
Both of them got to get-off-my-lawning about all the players who were skipping their schools' bowl games to protect themselves for the NFL Draft, which became an even more relevant issue later in the day when Ole Miss quarterback Matt Corral -- a projected first-round draft pick -- went down with an injury in the Sugar Bowl. Herbstreit and Howard went full These Kids Today on all of it, crabbing about how players in 2021 just don't love football the way they did, because 30 years ago neither of them would have dreamed of skipping a bowl game.
Of course, 30 years ago, bowl games actually were a reward for a successful season, not participation trophies the way so many are today. But Herbie and Desmond didn't mention that.
They also didn't mention that these sorts of old-man rants are hardy perennials, generational echoes that have repeated themselves since Rutgers and Princeton first decided to fight over a pig's bladder. Why, the Blob, through the miracle of blatantly making stuff up, has dredged up actual fake quotes to prove this ...
The forward pass? Pffft. Players today have it so soft. In our day we employed the Flying Wedge, and players actually DIED for the game. Kids today just don't love the game enough to do THAT. -- Hiram T. "Skull-Cracker" Abercrombie, Yale '02
The Notre Dame box? Pffft. In our day we didn't resort to a lot of la-di-da trickery to win games, or danced around like that nancy boy Red Grange. We lined up and went at each other like MEN. Kids today don't love the game enough to do THAT. -- Franklin "Slobberknocker" Abrams, Army '13
Lookit that Sammy Baugh, throwin' the pigskin all over the field! My God. I thought this was football, not BALLET. In our day only GIRLS threw the ball around like that. We tucked it in the crook of our elbows and ran off tackle 52 times a game, the way God intended. Kids today don't love the game enough to do THAT. -- Monty "Bronco Nevers" Fleenor, Minnesota '26.
The triple option? What's this crap? In our day we didn't fake people out and run away from 'em. We lined up and hit people in the mouth, and the coaches didn't give us any of these pansy water breaks, and we used to play with broken legs and stuff because in OUR day, they'd run you off the squad if you got hurt. Kids today don't love the game enough to do THAT. -- Griff "Gruffer Than Gruff" Griffin, Texas '57.
And so on, and so on.
And, sure, everything above is parody, but Herbie and Desmond were themselves a parody. And as wrongheaded as they could be, because if These Kids Today didn't love football, they wouldn't be NFL Draft prospects to begin with. What, Herbie and Desmond think that just magically happened? That a whole lot of hard work and sweaty equity, and, yes, love of the game, didn't go into it?
Ridiculous.
But don't take my word for it. The better commentary on all this comes from Phillip Bupp of Awful Announcing, who took Herbie and Desmond to the woodshed in definitive style. Every word of is the stone truth.
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