The Complainer Report

 ... for which we go two places today: The shores of frigid Lake Michigan, and a football stadium in Alabama.

On the shores of frigid Lake Michigan, the American team continued to beat those European schmucks briskly about the head and neck in the Ryder Cup, doing a bit of golf running up the score in the second day's matches. The 'Mericans lead the Euros 11-5 heading into the last round of matches at Whistling Straits -- which means barring an historic collapse by Team USA, the Euros are in dire Straits, and that's not just Whistling Dixie.

Of course, not every American player was giddy about this. And you can probably guess who.

Yes, that's right, ol' Mr. Giddy himself, professional sourball Brooks Koepka, got all mad at the rules officials and said mean things after the officials denied him a drop on the 15th hole. Koepka argued he would hit a drain if he played it where it lay; the officials, one backing up the other, essentially told him to shut up and play.

This did not please Koepka, not the most genial of men under the best of circumstances.

"If I break my wrist, it's on f***ing both of you guys," he said, pointing at the officials.

This not being basketball, the officials couldn't T him up for that. A shame, really.

Because, of course, Koepka didn't hit the drain. 

Meanwhile, down in Auburn, Ala. ...

Well, the Tigers damn near lost to Georgia State, for starters. But they scored the go-ahead six with 45 seconds left and went on to win 34-24, thanks in part to a sketchy call on a pass reception that kept the winning drive alive.

The replay indicated the ball hit the ground. The officials, however, upheld the original call, which was a catch.

This did not please Georgia State coach Shawn Elliott, who in the postgame essentially said, "Typical SEC bull****."

"They had a little bit of help on that review where the ball was incomplete," is what Elliott actually said. "It should have been put back on the 30-yard line. But you know when you play in the SEC, you gotta take the hits. And they gave us a real gut punch on that call. So we appreciate that."

Georgia State fans no doubt said, "Damn skippy, Coach."

Auburn fans, on the other hand, no doubt responded with words like "sore loser" and "whiners."

Ah, college football. It's the best.