Virtual-ity

Well, if this doesn't beat all. They're gonna let a NASCAR guy play in the Pro Bowl!

Also, Snoop Dogg!

And, look, I get it, the Pro Bowl is the Mr. Irrelevant of professional sports, so why not Bubba Wallace Jr. and Snoop? No one watches the Pro Bowl anyway besides sad cases in faded Tommy Kramer jerseys. Heck, let Drew Brees's kids play in it.

Oh, wait. They kinda did last year, tackling one another on the sidelines and occasionally running onto the field. 

No one cared, of course, 'cause it's the Pro Bowl. 

So, yeah, this Bastard Plague-inspired idea to play a virtual Pro Bowl this weekend is just the ticket. Instead of actually putting real players on a real field for the annual Greatest Spectacle In Injury Avoidance, they're going to have Bubba, Snoop, and a handful of actual NFL players play it out on Madden instead.

People who've watched Patrick Mahomes play already say the NFL looks like a video game. So why not make the Pro Bowl an actual video game?

In fact ... 

Well, here's the Blob's idea: Go completely vintage and play it on Tudor Electric Football. 

None of us who owned one of those things will ever forget the thrill of our running backs endlessly turning in circles 10 yards behind the line of scrimmage. Or how horrendously inaccurate the  passer guy was with that little piece of foam that was supposed to be the football. Plus, Passer Guy was like ten times bigger than the actual players.

It was like suiting up King Kong and putting him out there. And he threw about as well, too.

Yes, sir. Love to see Deshaun Watson (one of the Pro Bowl "players") complete a pass with that dude. Or Marshawn Lynch go into a foaming rage as he watches his running back turn in circles while his linemen perversely MAKE A FREAKING BEELINE FOR THE ENDZONE. 

"Dammit!" he'd say, because we all did.

Then he'd switch out the base of one of the said linemen for that of his running back. And watch again while his back still ran in circles and his lineman took off on a plumb bob-straight line again.

"What the HELL?!" he'd say.

Because we all did.

 

Yes, sir, by golly. Forget Madden and all those splendid graphics.

Give us this instead.