Your Virtual NASCAR tale for today

You know what I miss, after a week of Netflix and Hulu and grinding on the treadmill, which is nothing more than a metaphor for life right now?

I miss Pole Position.

Remember that? Man, it was like the origin of the virtual motorsports species. It was the cave drawing of video racing games. And I was good at it. I was freaking Ayrton Senna, is who I was.

Fast forward now several millennia on the virtual gaming timeline, and here's what we have: A bunch of NASCAR drivers with virtually nothing to do virtually maintaining the racing schedule through the first-ever iRacing Pro Series, which is conducted on the racing simulators drivers use to keep their skills sharp. Denny Hamlin won the first simulator race last week at Homestead, Fla. Today everyone goes to Texas, where NASCAR was supposed to race for real today.

The best part of this?

In iRacing, you run into issues you don't often run into in actual racing.

For instance: Last week, in his first crack at it, Chase Elliott didn't do so well. Part of this might have had to do with the fact he was racing in house slippers and perhaps wasn't in the optimum mindset. But part of it he blamed on his crew chief, who was fellow NASCAR driver Ryan Blaney.

It seems Blaney wasn't treating his duties with the proper, um, seriousness.

"He was in and out of the room refilling beers," Elliott revealed to Sporting News.

Imagine Ray Evernham doing that to a young Jeff Gordon back in the day.

"This thing is all kinds of loose. I need to come in," Jeff barks into his mic.

"Stay with it. I gotta go pick up a sixer," Evernham replies.

Now that would be entertaining. And can't you imagine this exchange between Chad Knaus and Jimmie Johnson?

J.J.: "Hey, Chad, did you do that thing you said you were gonna do to the car today?"

CHAD (taking a swig of beer, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand): "I'm sorry, what was that?"

J.J.: "That thing. That thing you were gonna do."

CHAD (taking another swig): "Aw, hell, I forgot."

J.J. "What?! Chad!"

CHAD: "Oh, relax, Jimmie. In fact bring 'er on in. You sound like you could use a cold one."

Man. More fun than Pole Position, that would be.