Sunday, September 8, 2019

A great big "Hmmm"

Sooo, Antonio Brown is a New England Patriot, suddenly. And now, just as suddenly, the Blob's Grassy Knoll Person Spidey Sense is tingling like mad.

Oh, sure. I know it's just a coincidence AB managed to escape the NFL's worst dumpster-train-wreck-crash-site-fire only to wind up with the defending Super Bowl champions, and also the best organization in the league. I know it's just because his agent, Drew Rosenhaus is so crackerjacks at his job that, like, five minutes after the Raiders released him, Rosenhaus had the deal hammered out with the Pats.  I know there couldn't have been any back-channeling going on there, because if there was any back-channeling going on that would be big-time tampering on the part of the Patriots, and tampering is a big-time no-no in the NFL.

Besides, why would the Patriots risk violating the rules like that? It's not like they have a reputation for being sneaky and underhanded, after all. They've always been absolutely above-board as an organization. It's not like they've ever been a bunch of scofflaws or anything.

So, no. I'm sure there was absolutely nothing calculated about AB's meltdown in Oakland, which escalated to the point the Raiders took away his guaranteed money and his termination pay -- which prompted AB to ask for his release, which prompted the Raiders, sick of his not at all contrived drama-queening, to swiftly grant it.

And there were the Patriots, waiting with open arms. At, like, 4:01 p.m., a minute after it was legal for teams to sign players.

Nothing remotely suspicious about that. Why, I'm sure this is absolutely not what it looks like, which is that AB played the Raiders like a French horn because he knew Rosenhaus had a deal working with the Pats.

Grassy knoll stuff, like I said. Second-shooter stuff. Fake news, as our Fearless Leader likes to say every time the free press catches him lying his ass off.

No. I'm sure this is  just what it looks like, the Patriots renting another troubled soul short-term because, after all, look how often it's panned out for them before.

Randy Moss was a Patriot once, remember. Corey Dillon. LaGarrette Blount. Hell, Josh Gordon's a Patriot now.

So why not AB, if only for a year?

And speaking of AB, I don't know how anyone could question that the man's got an entire colony of  bats living in his belfry. He couldn't fake the kind of crazy that would compel him to blow up his juicy deal with the Raiders before it even started, could he? Who in his right mind blows off $30 mill in guaranteed money for $9 mill in guaranteed money, which is what he'll get in his one-year deal with the Patriots?

I mean, even if it means he trades Derek Carr for Tom Brady. And Jon Gruden for Bill Belichick. And an utter clown show for the NFL's gold standard.

Sometimes things just work out. Which is why, again, I'm sure it's just a coincidence that AB's drama queening started up juuust about the time he discovered juuust how clownish the clown show was out there in Oakland.

Damn Spidey sense. Still tingling.

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