Well. I guess now we know why the hockey gods decided to favor an expansion team from Las Vegas over a real bonafide Canadian city (Winnipeg) in the Stanley Cup playoffs.
And, no, it wasn't just because the hockey gods knew a boffo storyline (Expansion team wins Stanley Cup!) when they saw one.
It was the first blow in the war against our neighbors to the north. Which, if you haven't been paying attention, is what Our Only Available President started the other day with his latest excursion into nitwittery.
It's probably too obvious at this point to note that OOAP never met a historically awful idea he wouldn't wholeheartedly embrace, since he's embraced so many of them in his 16-odd months in office. So we probably shouldn't have been surprised when he wholeheartedly embraced another one: Starting a trade war with, of all people, Canada.
Trade wars historically almost always backfire, but (again, probably too obvious) it's highly unlikely OOAP is aware of that. It is, after all, history. Best evidence suggests Donny slept through that class.
And so of course Canada has struck back by slapping tariffs on a variety of U.S. goods, which will of course hurt the industries that produce those goods. And of course, none of this had to happen. There simply wasn't a compelling reason to do it, other than the fact OOAP likes to play at being a tough guy.
In any case, the war is on. Vegas struck a ruinous blow by eliminating the last Canadian hockey team in the playoffs, but according to information to which only the Blob has access, the Canadians are planning to retaliate by sending an Alberta Clipper into the upper Midwest just in time for the Fourth of July. Happy Independence Day, Yanks! How do like those windchills?
The U.S., of course, will retaliate by deporting Justin Bieber, Celine Dion and Nickelback. No more lucrative American tours for you, ya hosers! Keep your crappy music on your own side of the border!
It's on after that. Canada will replace the Canadian bacon (i.e., ham) in your Egg McMuffin with Sidney Crosby's game-worn socks. America will seize the Canadian side of Niagara Falls, on account of it's never been fair that the Canadians got the good side. Canada will send Johnny Manziel back where he came from and scramble Sirius XM so it's all Nickelback all the time. America will send the Browns to Canada, and rewire the NBA schedule so the Raptors have to play LeBron James in the first round of the playoffs every single year.
Then the U.S. will simply invade. And the Canadians will simply snicker.
After all, they're 2-0 lifetime against American invasions.
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