Pitchin' woo

And now a question from a Mrs. L. James, who wants to know what everyone in America wants to know this week, or at least everyone who cares about a Mr. L. James:

"Where are you going, LeBron?"

LeBron's answer, exclusively acquired by the Blob, is that he's going to the grocery store. It seems Mrs. L. James, and all the little Jameses, are out of milk. Also bread ("Get the whole-grain kind," Mrs. L. James says). Also paper towels.

So, there you have it, America. Where LeBron Is Going.

Oh, you meant where he's going to play basketball?

Well, the Blob has the answer to that, too, which is "Somewhere in the NBA." I realize this is not helpful for those of you who will be on pins and needles this week wondering where LeBron will land. On that specific, the Blob doesn't know anything more than you do.

It may be the Lakers. It may be the 76ers. It may be he stays put in Cleveland and doesn't go anywhere, a possibility that perhaps became less improbable with the drafting of Collin Sexton of Alabama last week, a really good college guard and a possible budding superstar.

What the heck. I had a conversation last week with a guy who thought it was possible the Pacers -- a franchise on a definite upward track -- might be able to entice LeBron to Indianapolis. Although that doesn't seem likely.

I do know this: When LeBron says he doesn't want a lot of elaborate sales pitches, he is watching a ship that has already sailed disappear over the horizon.

Because, let's face it, there will be sales pitches. Lots of sales pitches. Which has sent the Blob's fertile imagination into overdrive.

Pitches, we've got pitches ...

"Come on out to L.A., Bron! It's sunshine! It's Hollywood! We'll even trade the Ball kid (and his annoying father) if you like!" (Lakers)

"Houston's your celebration destination, LeBron! Yeah, the weather sucks, especially in the summer. But, hey, you don't have to be here in the summer!  And just think, we almost beat the Warriors!" (Rockets)

"Good ol' San Antone, we got everything you're lookin' for, LeBron! We got Pop! We got Kawhi! OK, so we might or might not have Kawhi. But if you come, he might stay!" (Spurs)

"Think about this, LeBron: Indianapolis. Yeah, we're not L.A., but we're not as boring as people say, either. And look at this team we got! Look how much fun they have playing basketball! You'd like to have fun playing basketball again, right?" (Pacers)

"You want to get back to the Finals again, LeBron? ('Cause, sorry, you go anywhere West except Golden State, it ain't happenin'). Wanna be part of something fresh and new and exciting? Wanna visit the Liberty Bell anytime you want? Join the Process!" (76ers)

And, of course, last but hardly least ...

"Hey, Bron! Lookit! We got you another Kyrie! (Maybe)" (Cavaliers)