Bracketed

So I'm on the phone with my sister the other day, and she's trying to pull me back in. It never fails. March rolls around, and I'm Michael Corleone in "Godfather III."

"Come on, just for fun," she says.

"Nope," I reply. "One, I don't care that much. Two, I'm too lazy. I don't want to put that much effort into it."

"You don't have to," she says. "You always say you overthink it. Just don't overthink it this time."

"No," I say. "'Cause you'll beat me."

"Oh, I will not," she says.

"Yes, you will. So, no way," I say. 

And that's the end of it. Once again I've successfully fended off the Bracket Temptress.

I don't tell her that I don't fill out NCAA brackets anymore  because I know she will beat me, and then she'll never let me forget it, no matter what she says. Not only that, but the people who fill out brackets according to mascots, their favorite animals or school colors will beat me. I'll do all this research and make rational, considered picks, and I'll get beat by someone who picks Virginia because he likes the way Tony Bennett dresses, or Villanova because Villanova's in Philadelphia and he'd been to Philadelphia once.

"Hey, look, all these people are picking Michigan State!" Random Guy says. "They must be good. I'm pickin' them."

And then of course Michigan State will win it all and Random Guy will beat me, because I picked the Spartans to get knocked out by Duke. Or he'll pick Virginia and beat me because I don't think the Cavaliers can win with their sixth man out injured, and, besides, Virginia always craps out in Da Tournament.

I know this is how it will go. And I know this because it's gone this way so many times before.

One year I picked Iowa State into the Final Four because all the smart people were picking Iowa State to go deep, and I thought of myself as one of the smart people. And then of course the Cyclones lost in the first round and blew up my entire bracket.

I think that was about the time I stopped filling out a bracket.

Although if I had to pick a Final Four, I'd probably pick--

No. No.