The weather was gray, damp and cool at the Indianapolis Motor Speedway yesterday, but the hot(dog)foots were tearin' around the old joint nonetheless. They were sizzlin' four wide down the long straightaways and playin' ketchup through the perilous turns, but only one mustard the wherewithal to relish the victory.
OK, OK. I'll stop.
(Maybe)
But, hey, how could you not get carried away by the second annual Wienie 500, a two-lap speedfest featuring six Oscar Mayer Wienermobiles. Buns and wienies blazed around the hallowed Brickyard at a blistering 50 mph or so, and when the condiments settled New York Dog had beaten the rest of the pack(age) to the checkers.
"Grilled those losers!" said the winning wienie pilot, Dario Frank-Eatie, who credited the radical bun-length design of his delicious ride for his late pass of runnerup Chili Dog.
OK, O-KAY. I'm stopping. Promise.
(Or not.)
Meanwhile, last year's inaugural wiener, Slaw Dog, got shuffled back in the fierce jockeying for position and finished third. Driver Wilbur Slaw filed a formal complaint post-race, claiming the rest of the field was driving "like a bunch of ***damn Italian sausages out there."
"Wow, wonder what's got his buns so steamed?" said Chili Dog's chauffeur, Mauri Rolls, who--.
Hey. What are you doing with that Guilden's Spicy Brown?
Put it down. I mean it. PUT IT DOW--
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