Eberflushed

 Well, that didn't take long.

If you had Friday in the great Matt Eberflus Gets Flushed lottery, congratulations. You had some extra cash to spread around as you ventured out to Walmart for a gallon of milk, got caught in a firefight over a 90-inch TV and wound up in the emergency room after eating someone's elbow.

Black Friday ain't called that just for funsies, you know.

Certainly it was the blackest of Fridays for Eberflus, who became the Chicago Bears ex-coach less than 24 hours after overseeing the dumbest use of 30 seconds since a ShamWow ad starring that Vince guy. Botching a shot at upending the mighty Detroit Lions in the most in the most spectacularly numbskulled way possible was bad enough, but that it happened in front of the entire country on Thanksgiving Day was took much even for the Bears.

You've seen the lowlights by now: Down 23-20, the Bears had arrived at the Detroit 25 with 43 seconds to play and plenty of time to take shots at the W.  But then Bears stuff began to happen. 

First, a Caleb Williams pass to the Detroit 13 was wiped out by a penalty.

Then, Williams was sacked.

Then, with two downs, a timeout and 30 seconds still on the clock, Eberflus and Co. somehow forgot about the timeout they had, fiddle-farted around as the clock raced toward zero, and finally got off a snap with just six seconds showing.

Williams pass fell incomplete as the clock ran out, and the Lions were 11-1 for the first time in their history.

Today's multiple choice quiz: What were the Bears doing at the end for 24 of the 30 seconds they had left?

A. Debating who would win if Superman fought Lions coach Dan Campbell.

B. Discussing the relative merits/drawbacks of green energy.

C. Comparing the boss-ness of today's cars versus, say, a 1969 Pontiac GTO with a Hurst shifter and Ram Air IV engine.

A football team with its head screwed on straight easily would have gotten off three or four plays with 30 seconds and a timeout to do so. But, nah. These were the Eberflus Bears, who instead did the most Eberflus Bears thing ever.

After which the Bears did the most un-Bears-like thing ever: Fire a head coach in mid-season.

The Bears had never before done that, not once in their long, long existence. They hadn't  done it when they were still the Decatur Staleys and wore those leather hats with the earflaps. They hadn't even done it when Jim Dooley was the coach and the Bears covered themselves in gory by going 1-13.

That was in 1969. Dooley not only was still the Bears coach when the season ended, he was still the Bears coach the next season. The Bears kept him around until 1971, when he was finally fired after a second consecutive 6-8 season.

So, yeah, Matt Eberflus made history yesterday. He was so bad not even the Bears could keep him around for another whole season.

Probably not something he'll want to add to his resume, though.