And now another edition of The NFL In So Many Words, the ecumenical Blob feature in which the lowly rise and the mighty fall, and of which critics have said "How 'bout you FALL down these stairs?", and also "How 'bout I RISE from this chair and smack you in the chops?":
1. A week after 65-year-old Aaron Rodgers threw four touchdown passes against the Jets and folks in Pittsburgh were saying "See, he can so be 29 again," he throws two picks, puts up a 58.0 quarterback rating and gets outplayed by Sam Darnold in a two-touchdown loss to the Seahawks.
2. "Ah, I knew he was washed." (Folks in Pittsburgh)
3. "Hey, look! We beat the Chiefs again!" (The Eagles)
4. "Yeah, but it was only the Chiefs. THE 0-2 CHIEFS." (America)
5. "Ya know, Caleb Williams played pretty well this week." (Bears fans)
6. "Ya know, I threw five touchdown passes this week and we rose from last week's humiliation to pound the Bears into a shapeless mass, 52-21." (Lions QB Jared Goff)
7. "Great. Now someone ELSE owns us." (Bears fans)
8. In other news, the Cowboys needed a 64-yard field goal and overtime to beat the not-really-all-that-big Giants; the winless Dolphins lost to the unbeaten Patriots in Miami; the Falcons (the Falcons!) beat up the Vikings as Minnesota QB J.J. McCarthy (the New Franchise Quarterback!) threw two picks, fumbled three times and put up a quarterback rating of 37.5; and Cincinnati's impeccable Joe Burrow suffered a might-as-well-be-season-ending injury.
9. "Oh, no! Poor Joe Burrow!" (America)
10. "Woo-hoo! Now I get an ENTIRE SEASON where I don't have to be perfect every week for this sorry-ass franchise to win!" (Joe Burrow)
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