Marketing tools

 (In which the Blob once again ... well, you know. Standard procedure.)

So I see by the intertoobz that Indiana could be getting its very own immigrant gulag down at Camp Atterbury, and even though Secretary of Defense Pete "90 Proof" Hegseth says it would only be a temporary gulag, I can hardly contain my excitement.

Atterbury, after all, is one of only two such military sites in the country chosen for this honor. And the other is in New Jersey, so who cares, right? 

At any rate, there are no doubt already corporate jugheads considering the marketing possibilities, just as they have for that concentration camp down in the Florida swamps. They call that one Alligator Alcatraz -- which President Trump, Homeland Security chief Armband Barbie Noem and Florida governor Ron DeSantis thought was HI-larious when they were down there for the ribbon cutting.

It was such a hit, in fact, that apparently you can get "Alligator Alcatraz" printed on caps and T-shirts and, I don't know, maybe even keychains. Get yours today, America!

Now, obviously, "Alligator Alcatraz" won't work here in Indiana, on account of we tend to be a trifle light on the critters in these parts. Besides, it's probably already been trademarked. So we've gotta come up with some other brand for those unburdened by a conscience to sell to America.

Me, I vote for "Corn Sweat Sobibor." Or perhaps "Tenderloin Treblinka." 

Gotta be something America associates with Indiana, I figure, although probably not basketball or the Indianapolis 500. Those things are sacred here, and should never be subjected to such tawdry doings. Especially when the tawdriness involves locking people in cages who threaten America by speaking with an accent in public.

Or who, you know, happen to be named Valdez or Garcia.

No, it  would be the height (or depth) of crassness to name our little home-away-from-home "Logo Three Leavenworth" or something, and then sell Logo Three Leavenworth hats and shirts featuring the silhouette of Jimmy Chitwood rising up to take that last shot. And you wouldn't dare use the Indianapolis Motor Speedway's winged wheel logo on a hat or shirt, no sirree.

People might look at the wings, see, and think it's a subliminal message in support of all those dangerous gardeners and Home Depot workers and Purple Heart winners we've got penned up. Couldn't have that.

On the other hand ...

On the other hand, if you're going to market concentration camps with hats and shirts (and keychains, don't forget the keychains!), you've pretty much slipped the surly bonds of crassness anyway. Using human misery as a marketing tool just makes you a tool. And you should be cast into outer darkness for it.

After all, there's a reason no corporate giant sells Buchenwald hats and shirts, and it's called "basic human decency." Same goes for Black Hole of Calcutta novelty items.

Although if someone christened our gulag the Black Hole of Cargill ...

Seed caps, baby. What's more Hoosier than that?