AI to the rescue

 "Wait ... what?" you're saying now.

Also, "I thought you hated AI."

Also, "I thought you said you hated AI because, and I quote, 'Machines can't write.'"

Well ... that's true.

I do hate AI. And machines can't write. And AI writing programs are a joke.

However ...

However, I'm scrolling through my Magic Twitter X Marks The Spot Thingy this morning, and I'm seeing a post from this poor guy who had to write something about the Chicago Bears latest crime against football, and he's saying he doesn't know what else there is to say about the Bears that hasn't already been said.

Well, I think AI could actually help this guy. And any other poor ink-stained wretch who had to write about what they saw in Soldier Field yesterday.

What they saw was the Bears blow a 28-7 lead over a team (Denver) that lost 70-20 last week in a little over a quarter.

What they saw was the Broncos win 31-28 on a field goal with less than two minutes to play, after which Justin Fields threw a pick to end it.

What they saw was Bears coach Matt Eberflus set it up with one of the most excrement-for-brains play calls ever. 

Fourth-and-1. Go-ahead field goal right there. Instead, Eberflus decides to go for it, but in a really stupid way.

Does he let Fields, his best athlete and a guy who's signature skill is being really good with his legs, keep it on a read option?

Aw, hell, no. He gives the ball to some other guy and runs the exact same line plunge that got stuffed on third down. And of course it gets stuffed again.

Now the Bears are 0-4, and I'm feeling for the pressbox guys. I mean, how do you write the Bears Hit Bottom story when you've already written the Bears Hit Bottom story?

You let AI do it. Because at this point, does it really matter?

And so imagine opening up your Chicagoland online publication this morning and reading this:

Opponent Defeats Chicago Bears

CHICAGO -- A visiting opponent defeated the Chicago Bears yesterday in a National Football League football game. The final score was 31-28.

It was the first victory of the season for the visiting opponent (team name here). The Bears record is now 0-4. 

The game was tied at the opening kickoff but soon both teams scored. (Bears quarterback name here) threw four touchdown passes. (Visiting opponent quarterback name here) threw three touchdown passes.

The Bears led 28-7 toward the end of the third quarter, but soon the score was tied and DAMMIT EBERFLUS WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THINKING??

OK. So that last part would not be in the story. Although I bet there's some algorithm that would allow you to insert it. 

So ya got that going for ya, Bears fans.