Maybe you missed it while following less consequential sporting events, like the PGA Tour Championship, the start of the U.S. Open tennis tournament and El Segundo, Calif., winning the Little League World Series. But America's favorite Legitimate President, Donald J. "Donny" Trump, has won his golf club senior championship again.
Says he shot a 67 the other day at Bedminster, N.J., site of the Trump National Golf Club, which you can tell he owns because his name is on it. It's one of many championships he's won at the club he owns, and that 67 was completely legit because the club owner said so, and didn't involve any foot wedges out of the rough or 15-foot putts he picked up, saying "That's a gimme."
I mean, who the hell do you think he is, Judge Smails?
Nah. He's the Legitimate President, and also (have you heard?) the owner of the club where he shot the 67. Which (again) was totally on the level and not at all ownership-assisted, never mind all the wedges he tends to spray sideways.
"Now, some people will think that sounds low, but there is no hanky/lanky," Donny assured us in the internet post announcing his glorious victory. "Many people watch, plus I am surrounded by Secret Service agents. Not much you can do even if I wanted to, which I don't."
Left unsaid is how many of the people watching were club employees and Donny groupies. Or if the Secret Service leaped into action and wrestled to the ground anyone who foolishly blurted "Hey, he's cheating!"
I'm sure none of that was the case. I'm sure Donny, at a svelte 215 pounds, really is a "good golfer/athlete", as he says.
And if you're especially doubting the "athlete" part of that, wait'll you see the completely legit video I hear is out there of Donny undressing Steph Curry one-on-one and absolutely posterizing Joel Embiid. The Prez got hops!
Why are you laughing?
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