The Uh-0h Open

 Look, I don't know what the Los Angeles Country Club can do. It's apparently so hidebound a place the greens are decorated in embossed gold leaf, so windmills and the celebrated Clown's Mouth Hole probably aren't options at this point.

But, lord, are they messin' with tradition right now.

Tradition at the U.S. Open, see, demands that the USGA trick up the host course so much it drives the world's best golfers into foam-at-the-mouth fury. Apparently the USGA labors under the delusion that people tune into the Open to see Xander Schauffele hack it around like Joe Schmo from Kokomo at Chemical Runoff Hills.

Well ... THAT didn't happen yesterday.

No, what happened was Xander Schauffele dropped napalm on LACC, flame-broiling it  to the tune of 8-under 62. Even worse, Ricky Fowler also put up a 62. In all, six players shot 65 or better -- including a certain W. Clark and B. Harman, whose first names are Wyndham and Brian and who sit 32nd and 40th, respectively, in the PGA Tour rankings.

When W. Clark and B. Harman shoot 64 and 65, respectively, you know the U.S. Open is about to become the Uh-Oh Open. Especially when last year, U.S. Open champ Matt Fitzpatrick shot 6-under for the whole stinkin' tournament.

That was a bit more like it. Yesterday, on the other hand, was an embarrassment for the USGA, which prefers the embarrassment shoe reside on the other foot.

So what can be done to return the Open to its head-high rough roots?

The Blob has a few ideas:

1. Place the pins in more challenging positions, like in the middle of head-high rough.

2. Equip the fans with air horns.

3.  Bring in some moveable fake trees. Hey, look what just showed up in the middle of the 7th fairway!

4. One word: Quicksand.

5. Import some really obnoxious Hollywood types loudly closing a deal on his phone in the middle of Xander's or Ricky's or B. Harman's backswing.

And if all else fails ...

Install a Clown's Mouth Hole. You can never go wrong.