(In which the Blob's shakes its bony fist at wardrobe violations and the like)
Wardrobe violations? Did someone say "wardrobe violations"?
Indeed someone did.
And as heinous Exhibit A, the Blob presents the "alternate helmet" the Cincinnati Bengals will be wearing on odd occasions this season.
Here it is.
Have you ever seen anything more stupidly generic than that?
OK, well, I haven't. Don't like the Jets alternate helmets either, which will be black and will be paired with black unis.
As Lilly Von Schtupp said in Blazing Saddles: "Ooh. How ordinary."
I mean, has anyone broken the bad news to these guys, which is that black is, like, sooo 1990s? Or at least 2000s?
It's borrrring, people. It's like when you were a kid and thought Commodore 64 was the coolest gaming system ever, and nothing would ever top it. Whyncha do something creative with your actual team colors, instead?
Listen. If NFL teams want to go alternate, that's fine. But let's see something old school, because the Blob is, well, old. Let's see the Bengals go full throwback to the plain orange helmets with "Bengals" on the side in lettering you can barely see, and black jerseys. Now that would be cool, in a totally uncool sort of way.
But that black-and-white helmet?
Yeah, that's great, and I get the whole White Bengal motif. But black-and-white TV was great, too, until color came along. Then it was just ... you know ... borrrring.
"Oh, go away, Geezer Boy," you're saying now. "Time for your meds."
Ha! Wrong again, Blobophiles.
I've still got an hour until pill time.
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