The new Cruds

 The original Cincinnati Red Stockings once went unbeaten for an entire baseball season, back in the days when men were men and those who weren't -- those who, for instance, wore gloves to protect their bare hands -- were dubbed "nancy boys."

That was way back in 1869, just four years after Appomattox. The Red Stockings, baseball's first true professional team, went 57-0 that summer.

I say this to provide context. I say it because, 153 years later, the Red Stockings descendants are now 3-22.

They're 3-22, they've lost nine straight games, and they've lost those games by scores like 10-5 and 18-4 and 10-1. Only one team since 1901 (the 1988 Baltimore Orioles) has had a worse 25-game stretch to start the season. 

So the Reds are not just bad; they are epically bad. They are historically bad -- so bad you can get away with saying they're not really a major league club at all, but some odd species of minor leaguers.

Which is what I frequently accuse my Pittsburgh Cruds of being, or at least of being run that way by owner, Robert Nutting. By contrast to the Reds, the Cruds are off to a fine start. They're 10-14 here on the morning of May 7, which places them in third place in the NL Central. They're even a game in front of the Cubs -- and when's the last time you could say that?

I suspect the rarified air of third will soon make them dizzy, and down they will plummet. But if not, it will be because several of the Cruds will have had excellent seasons -- which means they'll be able to lobby for real money, and off they'll go to the Yankees or Red Sox or Dodgers for more prospects. 

I don't know if that's what the Reds are up to. But I do  know they sold off the stars from a pretty decent team last year, and now they're the Dayton Dragons.

Scratch that. The Dayton Dragons are probably better.

The Reds, on the other hand, are an embarrassment to baseball, so much so that even this Pittsburgh fan feels sorry for them. They are, after all, an organization whose history goes back further than anyone's in a sport that worships its history. For them merely to be  impersonating a major-league team is not just a giant eff-you to their loyal fan base, but to the game itself.

And the worst part is Reds ownership actually said the eff-you out loud.

Remember back on the day of the Reds' home opener, a longtime unofficial holiday in Cincinnati?

The Reds team president, Phil Castellini, picked that day to tell Reds fans unhappy with the way management dismantled the team in the offseason that they can sit on it and rotate. Hey, you want us to spend more money on players? Fine, we can always move the team to a market where we can! How ya like THEM apples?

That's not a direct quote, of course. But it is a fairly accurate paraphrasing.

It's also something you never, ever say to your fans -- especially in Cincinnati, and especially right before you go tearing off on a 3-22 start.

Not even Robert Nutting has ever done anything that stupid. He just keeps quiet and adds to his pile while developing players for other ballclubs.

I guess that means the Reds are the new Cruds. And not only the new Cruds, but the new and improved Cruds, a significant upgrade from my posers in Pittsburgh.

So, you know, they got that goin' for 'em. At least.