Derby time!

 And now it's time for a Blob tradition, Twin Spires Over My Friend Flicka, also known as our Official Guide To The Kentucky Derby From A Guy Who Doesn't Know A Wither From Bill Withers.

Strike up that song by Dan Fogelberg, maestro!

We're here to tell you about women in hats designed by Frank Lloyd Wright, and Kentucky colonels, and beer-swilling infield creatures, and Robitussin juleps, the official adult beverage of Derby day. But we're also here to tell you who the gray horses are, and who's the bay somebody bet on, and which of them are cans of Alpo.

 Also, who's got the coolest jockey name, and the coolest trainer name, and why you shouldn't put any folding green on that guy with the white hair.*

(*It's because the guy with the white hair, Bob Baffle or Buffer or, oh, yeah, Baffert, that's it, doesn't have a dog in the hunt this year. Or a horse. This is because he was banned from the Derby this year for injecting last year's winner with illegal go-juice.)

Anyway ... let's get on with it, shall we?

Gray Horse Alert

Which this year includes White Abarrio, who's as gray as a November sky. Yeah, White Abarrio won the Florida Derby, and right now he's at 10-1, which aren't bad odds, and his trainer is the way-cool Saffie Joseph Jr.

But you know the Blob's rule: Never bet gray horses. They're frequently mutts.

OK, so not always. But mostly.

Coolest jockey

Lots of contenders here, but the Blob's going with Zandon's jockey, Flavien Prat. Because, you know, Flavien. It sounds imperial. It sounds like a Roman senator will be giving Zandon his head down the stretch. Et tu, Flavien!

(Actually, Flavien Prat is French. He's 29 years old and was born in Melun, Seine-et-Marne, France. But he's a pretty handsome devil, and he's driving the Derby favorite, who's 3-1 as of this morning. So he's got that going for him.)

Coolest trainer

No, not Todd Pletcher, who has eleventy-hundred horses in this year's field.

(OK. So only three. But, still)

Also, there's Tim Yakteen, who's standing in for the white-haired guy with Taiba and Messier; or Way-Cool Saffie (because a guy named "Saffie" MUST be way cool); or Steve Asmussen, who's Epicenter's trainer and still looking for his first Derby win after 23 tries.

But, nah. The Blob's going with Crown Pride's trainer, Koichi Shintani, because it isn't every Derby day you see a Japanese trainer turn up at Churchill Downs.

Shintani, in fact, has never shown up here. This is his first Derby horse, although he trains 40 other horses. He's also a quirkily secretive guy. No one seems to know where he was born or how old he is.

An international man of mystery! Perfect.

And your Derby winner is ...

You know the deal here. The Blob never picks one of the faves. It's no fun, it's unimaginative, and it's, well, boring. Only wusses bet the faves.

So this year, the Blob thought about going with Mo Donegal, who isn't an Irish horse but has an Irish name, and the Blob has always had a weakness for Irish horses. But Mo Donegal goes off from the dreaded 1-hole, and, besides, there's a better pick.

Bring on the hockey guy!

That would be Messier, a Canadian horse named for (of  course) hockey Hall of Famer Mark Messier. How awesome is that? 

Plus, he goes from the No. 6 post position, which is pretty decent. Also he's one of the white-haired guy's horses who's being trained by Yakteen since the white-haired guy is in horsey jail. And at 8-1, the bettors seem to think Messier isn't, you know, a poodle.

Besides, if they get to bumping around coming down the stretch, how do you not like a horse named for a hockey player? Try to interfere with Messier, he'll drop the gloves, pull the offender's silks over his head and start poundin'. Go time, baby!

So there you go. Put your chips on Messier.

Me, I'm going all in.

After all, two bucks wins me $16 right now if my pony wins. Clover.