Beating winter's fury

 Apparently we're about to be socked by the Blizzard of '78's ill-tempered offspring, and like many of you the Blob is thinking, "Do I have enough Little Debbie cakes?"

No, of course that's not what you're thinking.

You're thinking, "Do I have enough bread and milk?"

No, that's just silly. If you're going to be stuck at home for a day or two, why stock up on bread and milk? Like you gorge yourself on bread and milk any other time?

I suggest stocking up on beer instead. Beer is full of nutrients, and it tastes good, too!

But enough of this. Winter is apparently coming, because it's February and February is the dial tone of months, a surly bastard whose only notable achievements are a made-up holiday (President's Day), a Geez, I Gotta Get Candy And Flowers Day (aka, Valentine's Day), and a whole lot of St. John's-Seton Hall on the tube.

(Or, Northwestern-Penn State. Same difference.)

In other words, it's a bad time to get snowed in. But the Blob is here to help.

And so, a few suggestions to ride out the storm ...

1. Dial up an NBA game from the 1980s and marvel at how dumb you sound when you say "Steph Curry wouldn't have scored a point against Bird and Magic!"

2. Dial up an NBA game from the '90s (The Decade When You Could Mug A Guy And Call It "Defense") and marvel at how dumb you sound when you say "Now that was real basketball, man!"

3. Re-watch any of the NFL playoff games from the last two weekends. Marvel at how much better it is than the Super Bowl will be.

4. Also, count how many ads there are for BetMGM or one of the three other Official Betting Partners of the NFL -- which used to be death on gambling, but now wholeheartedly embraces the culture because it's found a way to make money off it.

5. Dial up the 1992 Duke-Kentucky NCAA Regional final. You'll have hours of fun throwing stuff at the TV when that (bleeping) Laettner hits that (bleeping) shot again.

6. Then cuss at Rick Pitino for not guarding the inbounds pass. Because cussing at Pitino is never NOT fun and appropriate.

7. Dial up Game 6 of the 1975 World Series. Watch Carlton Fisk dance down the first-base line, waving the ball fair. Marvel at a time when baseball mattered -- or when the owners didn't poop where they ate by pre-emptively locking out the players.

8. Watch the Greater Velveeta Bank And Trust Open. Yeah, it's golf, and golf is boring when it's not the Masters or the Open at the Royal and Ancient Duke of Earl Golf Club. But at least you'll be reminded that, somewhere, it's green and the sun shines and ... good God, look how green it is!

9. Watch "Home Team" on Netflix, which stars Kevin James as former Saints coach Sean Payton. It's truly awful, but, you know, it's about football. Think "Mall Cop III: Hey, Look, I'm Sean Payton!"

And last but not least ...

10. Watch a National Geographic doc about Antarctica. Marvel at how many times you scoff, "Pffft. You call that SNOW?"