Somewhere in Football Heaven last week, Old 77 surely was laughing at Tom Brady. So was Old 99. Prolly Old 00, too.
In order, those gentlemen would be Red Grange, Tom Harmon and Jim Otto, and you figure they were laughing because the NASH-unal FOOT-ball League, heretofore America's uniform Nazis, decided to loosen its Windsor knot the other day. Henceforth, uniform numbers will not be as narrowly regimented as before. If you're a defensive back and you want to wear No. 1, you can. And so forth.
This prompted a hilariously unhinged response from Brady, who ranted, sure, let's just let anyone to wear any number he wants. No rules, Red Grange! Total anarchy, Tom Harmon! Dogs and cats, living together, Jim Otto!
Brady was rightly bashed from all quarters for this, even though it fit the man's buttoned-up world view to a T. This is a man who so monitors his diet, remember, that nothing as blasphemous as strawberries will ever touch his kale-fortified lips. So it figures he'd get bent out of shape by the NFL allowing defensive backs and linebackers to wear different numbers than usual.
Apparently he believes his offensive linemen will be confused by this or some such thing. Which of course is ridiculous, because these are the best offensive linemen on the planet. One presumes they identify linebackers from where they line up in a defensive set, not because they're all wearing 51 or 55 or 58.
And, gee, one would think the GOAT would be able to sort out man coverage from Tampa Two even if the D-backs are wearing No. 4 or 6 instead of, say, 21.
That said, I might be able to even marginally accept this if I hadn't watched Jaylon Smith play linebacker once upon a time.
Wearing No. 9, if memory serves.
In high school.
Where, presumably, quarterbacks would be more easily confused than Tom Brady two decades deep in a legendary NFL career.
And now I'm laughing, too.
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