Saturday, March 6, 2021

A few shots at the Brickyard

 And, no, this is not the part where the Blob makes fun of the Indianapolis Motor Speedway. The Blob would never do that. It would be like making fun of the Sistine Chapel, because like the Sistine Chapel the Speedway is hallowed ground.

No, taking shots at the Brickyard actually meant taking shots at the Brickyard yesterday, because they opened up IMS as a drive-in COVID-19 vaccine site. This was an utterly brilliant idea, because few places are more suited to handle thousands of vehicles/people at once than IMS. It's literally what it does every year on Memorial Day weekend.

Of course, having spent more than a few Memorial Day weekends at IMS over the last four decades, the Blob can't resist wondering if any of the notorious yellow shirts -- Indy's sometimes annoying crowd control militia -- were involved, and what they might have been telling people.

"I'm sorry, ma'am, the Blue Lot is full. You'll have to wait over in the third turn."

"Middle lane, sir! MIDDLE LANE!" (Blows whistle shrilly)

"This is not media parking, sir. Media parking is outside the track in Brownsburg. A shuttle will take you to your assigned vaccination station. Or you can walk."

(A few seconds later)

"Look, I don't make the rules. This is where the assigned media parking is today. And I don't care if you have been coming here for 40 years Mr. ... Smith, is it?"

Oh, yes. I can hear all that now.

I also wonder, just for the hell of it, how awesome it would have been if every person who got their shot at the Speedway yesterday was allowed to take a victory lap around the venerable 2.5-mile oval. It didn't happen, because the people who run the Speedway aren't insane. But, come on, it would have been awesome, right?

They stick a needle in your arm and then you drive the Family Truckster over the yard of brick and down into turn one, all four tires below the white line, the late Tom Carnegie's voice playing in your head as you come off two and fly down the backstretch at a thrilling 75 mph or so ...

"Halfway around on this one!" Carnegie is saying. 

Cool beans, man. Cool beans.

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