And now a very special Christmas edition of The NFL In So Many Words, which falls down the critics' chimney, gets stuck, snaps its leg like a twig and prompts the critics to say "Great! Now I gotta get my chimney fixed!", and also "I suppose the fat man will sue me now!":
1. And what to the Rams' wondering eyes should appear, but the bleeping-bleep Jets and their bleeping reindeer ...
2. "Thanks, Santa!" (Trevor Lawrence, presumptive No. 1 pick in the draft, which now may not belong to the bleeping-bleep Jets)
3. "Thanks, Santa!" (Bears fans, upon finding an Apparently New And Improved Mitch Trubisky under the tree)
4. "What the hell, Santa? A lump of coal shaped like the Bengals? Gee, THANKS, you fat bleeping tub of goo!" (The Steelers)
5. "And who the hell is Ryan Finley, anyway?" (Also the Steelers)
6. And suddenly there was with the Skyline Chili angel a multitude of heavenly Bengals fans dressed in throwback Bob Trumpy jerseys, saying "Bwah-ha-ha-ha!" ...
7. And suddenly there was with the Polish Boy angel a multitude of heavenly Browns fans dressed in throwback Bernie Kosar jerseys, saying "Hey, look, we don't suck anymore! Woo-hoo!" ...
8. "Are you the ghost whose coming was foretold to me?"
"No, I'm Philip Rivers, The Ghost of Quarterbacks Past Now Updated For Modern Audiences."
9. All of Buffalo looked out,
On the feast of Josh Allen.
When the snow lay round about,
Deep and crisp and even ...
"Yeah, like we've never seen THAT before." (Buffalo)
10. "I said, WHO THE HELL IS RYAN FINLEY??" (Still the Steelers)
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