Essential flying mares

I used to love pro wrestling, back in the days when Dick the Bruiser was beating up Baron Von Raschke and Hulk Hogan was getting hit with folding chairs by Rowdy Roddy Piper, the dirty scoundrel. But then came Joe Exotic and crazy hillbilly chic, so my Cheesy Quasi-Entertainment dance card is full enough these days.

I couldn't tell you anything about the WWE now, except that it employs Rob Gronkowski and Ronda Rousey for some reason. So I'm probably not the guy to ask if you're wondering if pro wrestling is an "essential business."

Apparently in Florida it is.

This should come as no surprise to those of us who know the Sunshine State as the national capital of crazy, but still, it does give one pause. Bread, milk and the Flying Mare are never going to come first to mind in any grouping of life essentials, at least for some of us. I don't know about you, but I can live without the Sunset Flip, and also the Camel Clutch. And the Iron Claw hasn't been a vital part of the American economy since Von Raschke was using it on the Bruiser.

The Bruiser always got out of it, though. Or so I remember.

In any case, the Claw and the Mare and the Flip and the Clutch were all legendary pro wrestling moves, back in the day. I don't know what we call the move the state of Florida just made, except that in Florida certain notions occur that don't occur anywhere else. And so the WWE has been deemed an essential business, which means it can continue with its schedule of live shows as long as there's no live audience, only essential personnel are on hand and everyone practices social distancing.

OK. So that last isn't true.

I mean, I don't know how you keep six feet of distance between you and your opponent when you're slapping the Camel Clutch on him or her. So the performers will be put at risk in order for Vince McMahon to keep stacking his pile.

In other words, same-old, same-old here in America.

Or in Florida, at least.