Diary of a bored Sportsball guy

So I dropped in on the local Italian joint (Thanks, Casa!) to pick up dinner for the fam last night, and on both of the TVs over the bar were two half-naked men wallowing around on the floor and punching each other in the head.

"UFC?" I said. "Really?"

"Only sports we could find," Bartender Rebecca replied. "The women were on earlier."

And this is America in the time of COVID-19. And, yes, it is all flavors of different. And if, like the Blob, you made your living for 38 years writing about round balls and oblong balls and people driving really fast in a circle, that is especially true. It was a Saturday unlike any other, to steal from the postponed Masters.

Here's how I spent it ...

8:15 a.m. (or so): Got up. Put the coffee on. Wrote a fretful Blob post about the postponed Masters and other fretful stuff.

10-11: Watched Olivia Benson chase down dirtbags.

11-12: Watched Olivia chase down some more dirtbags.

12-1 p.m.: Ate lunch. Went to liquor store. Guinness, check. Bushmills, check. Yep, ready for St. Paddy's.

1-3: Got tired of watching Olivia chase down dirtbags. Picked up "The Stand" and started re-reading it, because nothing is more symmetrical than living in a time of pandemic while reading about an imaginary, way-worse pandemic. And I find symmetry oddly soothing.

3-3:15: Wondered when Randall Flagg was going to show up. I've got mid-April in the office pool.

3:15-3:30: Thought about the office NCAA Tournament pool, and how I won't miss losing to A) my wife, B) my sister, and C) that one guy who lets his cat pick a bracket.

3:30-3:31: Thought about how this was the year when I could pick my alma mater (Ball State) to win it all and no one could say I was wrong.

4: Fell asleep reading about Randall Flagg.

5: Woke up. Looked outside. Said, "Hey, look, it's snowing." Watched it snow for awhile.

5:30: Still watching it snow.

6: Stopped watching it snow, got up, went to pick up dinner.

8: Cued up "Ford vs. Ferrari" and watched it again. No sports, huh? Well, neener-neener-neener.

10:15: "Ford vs. Ferrari" ends. Picked up phone and Googled "LeMans." Also "Ken Miles." Also "Carroll Shelby." Wondered if I could still buy a 1966 Ferrari 330 P3 somewhere, because those babies were sweet.

11 p.m.: Went to bed. Fell asleep thinking about Selection Sunday, and how I'll miss that moment when the committee sends IU (or Purdue) to Micronesia as a 10 seed.

Good times, man. Gooood times.