Kickin' it in Chi

This is the day you always dreamed of on fall afternoons in the backyard, kicking footballs over the hedge into the neighbor's yard. How hard could it be, this placekicking deal? Why, you didn't have to look like Dick Butkus or Gale Sayers to play in the NFL. You could be a kicker! You could play in the NFL, even if you wore really huge glasses and were knee-high to a dust mite!

All you needed was a chance. You know, a tryout, or something.

This is exactly what happened the other day at the Chicago Bears' rookie camp, where head coach Matt Nagy brought in eight kickers and had them attempt a 43-yard field goal. The 43 yards was significant, because it was a 43-yarder Cody Parker double-doinked to end the Bears' 2018 season in a playoff loss to the Eagles. Surely someone among these guys could stick a 43-yarder, right?

Well ... yes. And, no.

Here were the eight guys Nagy lined up: Chris Blewitt, Elliott Fry, Redford Jones, John Baron II, Casey Bednarski, Emmit Carpenter, Justin Yoon and Spencer Evans, who last kicked for Purdue. He's also one of only two of the aforementioned who made the 43-yarder. Which means, maybe, you still have a chance.

OK. So probably not.

But imagine what a great movie there would be in it if you did!

It would be like "Invincible," the film about Eagles' walk-on star Vince Papale, only with more instep shots. It would be like "Rudy," only more accurate.

Just think of the possibilities ...

Exterior. Night. It's raining. Actually, it's POURING. Forty-three-year-old Eddie "Runt" Fleegleman (portrayed by Tobey Maguire) is kneeling in the mud on his old high school football field, water dripping off his soaked hair, looking utterly defeated. His old high school coach, the legendary Robert "Hardcase" Spitflinger (R. Lee Ermey in his final role), is standing over him, shaking his head sadly.

HARDCASE: What are you doin' here, Runt? Why, you ain't kicked a football since high school. And you weren't worth a damn even then! What makes you think you've got what it takes to kick in the National Football League, for God's sake?

RUNT (rising to his knees, looking his old coach dead in the eye): Because, all my life, Coach, people have been calling me a loser. A quitter. A little ol' nothingbug, about to be squashed on the windshield of life.

(He lifts himself higher. His jaw sets. His eyes blaze.) 

Well, not THIS time, Coach! NOT TODAY!

Or something like that.

Anyway ... you see my point. And so, if you're like me, you'll find that old scratched-up football of yours and head into the backyard again. The dream awaits!

Wow. This hedge is a lot taller than I remember.