Tuesday, June 2, 2015

Fleeing the scene

So apparently Sepp "I'm The President of Everybody" Blatter is now only the president of Armageddonouttahere.

Just re-elected to his post by cheering voters who apparently thought corruption was a pretty neat deal (all things considered), Blatter resigned this afternoon as FIFA president. Which leaves one with a few conclusions/suspicions/crazy conspiracy theories, some of which are more inescapable than others.

In no particular order, here are a few:

1. Hey, it worked for Dr. Richard Kimble. Why not for me?

Or in other words: Sepp's takin' it on the lam before Loretta Lynch and the other U.S. authorities come a-knockin' on his door.

2.  The bribe market ain't what it used to be.

Or in other words: The Lynch investigation has dried up the cash flow to the point where Sepp and his cronies will no longer be able to enjoy the lifestyle to which they've become accustomed.

3. Vladimir Putin on line 1, sir.

Or in other words:  Russia's president, already highly displeased by the scandal and America's role in it, has decided the whole thing is ultimately Sepp's fault, and that it's time for him to go. And you know what happens to people when Putin decides it's time for them to go

4. It's just no fun anymore.

Or in other words: With the U.S. undoubtedly leaning hard on all those underlings to give up The President of Everybody, and the extreme stench surrounding Russia and Qatar as World Cup hosts, and all the stories about the hundreds of workers who've died as a direct result of the really odiferous Qatar deal ... well, shoot. You can't butter a guy's palm that much. Sooner or later it's just not worth it anymore,
And so, it's time to flee. Er, go.

And last but not least?

5. I'm doing this for the betterment of the game and all who love it.

Or in other words:

Yeah. Right.


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