Sunday, November 30, 2025

For the life of Lem

 A body ought to know by now not to believe everything he or she reads on the internet. Even the good stuff, like Xtwitter posts by Abe Lincoln such as "Fourscore and seven years ago McClellan finally moved his ass", and also, "Jeff Davis has the IQ of a hamster and he smells like one too!"

And speaking of people who are dead ...

Here's someone who isn't: Lem Barney.

If you grew up watching the NFL in the 1960s, you know who Lem Barney is. He's the shutdown corner and return specialist who played on a lot of mediocre Detroit Lions teams during that era -- teams whose quarterbacks went by names like Bill Munson and Milt Plum, and whose best players (aside from Barney) went by names like Mel Farr and Altie Taylor and Charlie Sanders.

In his 10-year career, Barney was the NFL's Defensive Rookie of the Year in 1967, played in seven Pro Bowls and was All-Pro twice. In 1992, he was inducted into the Pro Football Hall of Fame in Canton, Ohio.

Which is why the HOF put out the sad news Saturday that Lem Barney was dead at the age of 80. Other media sites on the 'net quickly picked it up, including Sports Illustrated, NBC and even the NFL's official website.

Problem was, like the old man in "Monty Python and the Holy Grail," Lem Barney wasn't dead yet.

His family confirmed that he was, in fact, very much alive, and they were not happy about the HOF reporting otherwise. In fact, it's fair to say they were supremely pissed.

"My brother is fine,"  his sister, Verina Carter, told Tony Paul of the Detroit News. "I don't know where this (expletive) is coming from."

I do. It's the (expletive) internet.

Where I just ran across an Xtwitter denial from a certain A. Lincoln.

"I never said Jeff Davis had the IQ of a hamster," Lincoln posted. "That was one of those parody accounts.

"I said he had the IQ of a gerbil. Get it right, people."

Decisions, decisions

 Look, I don't know what Lane Kiffin's going to do, down there in magnolia country. I don't much care, either, except for the fact he's a not-so-shining example of what big-boy college athletics have become.

A football coach holding an entire university -- Ole Miss -- hostage? A university that produced William Faulkner holding its breath because, again, a football coach can't make up his mind?

If that doesn't tell you how the athletics tail now wags the academic dog, I don't know what else does. It's the American university as Walmart -- a spreadsheet-driven corporate entity whose function is merely to serve as branding for its football or basketball teams.

And so here's Lane Kiffin, who's taken Ole Miss football to heights it hasn't glimpsed in 60-plus years, being aggressively pursued by another company. And not just another company, but one that's a direct competitor. It's like Macy's raiding Gimbel's for its director of sales.

The direct competitor, of course, is LSU, whose delusions of grandeur have birthed a willingness to fling outlandish amounts of money at every hot property that comes down the pike. And Lane Kiffin is the hottest right now, having coached Ole Miss to an 11-1 record and a surefire spot in the College Football Playoff.

Even in Oxford, everyone assumes he's headed one state over to one of Ole Miss' ancient SEC rivals. But he dithers. He deflects. And the suspicion -- probably more than a suspicion -- is that he's trying work out a deal where he can collect LSU's big bucks but still coach Ole Miss in the CFP.

In other words, he wants the ranch and the beach house. It's the Trumpian ethos in full flower, where greed is not only good but practically an imperative for every right-thinking American.

And if I'm the Ole Miss powers-that-be, I push back on that.

I tell Lane Kiffin if he's going to LSU, then get packin' and quit jacking us around.

I tell him there's only two ways we'll let him coach our football team in the CFP: No way, and no (bad word that starts with "F") way.

The powers-that-be probably wouldn't add that Kiffin is a yellow-dog dirtbag, because he did lift Ole Miss to unimagined heights. But, well, he is a yellow-dog dirtbag.

Ole Miss, remember, hired Kiffin at a time when a lot of big-money schools were off him because of his reputation as an entitled me-first snot. Ole Miss took him in, anyway. Gave him a home. Gave him a second chance, and the wherewithal to make it work.

It was an act of charity that enabled Kiffin to resuscitate his career and put him a position to be wooed  by ... well, by LSU. And he'll repay that act of charity, most people now think, by taking LSU's money and running.

Even though LSU is three rings of fun right now, having fired both Brian Kelly and athletic director Scott Woodward because Louisiana's dopey governor couldn't keep his mouth shut. Even though Governor Dopey very publicly -- and very stupidly --  said Woodward was an idiot to give Kelly that enormous buyout, and said there's no way LSU would ever offer such a buyout again.

Just the sort of sales pitch you want to put out there when you're shopping for a new coach. Yeah, boy.

But Kiffin's apparently OK with it -- even though if he stayed at the school to whom by all rights he owes his loyalty, he'd hardly be living in a cardboard box under the overpass.

A product of his times, Lane Kiffin. And that's no compliment.

The 'Eyes have it

 Waiting for my order at a local pizza joint Friday night, and there was a woman wearing an Ohio State sweatshirt, so of course I had to say something. And, no, it wasn't a mean something like you all probably think.

"Your guys gonna win tomorrow?" is what I said.

She smiled.

"I hope so," she replied. "Four years in a row is just too much."

By which she meant, "Four years in a row losing to Michigan." Or maybe, "Four years in a a row losing to those turds from up north," relations between the Buckeyes and Wolverines being what they are.

Ohio State vs. Michigan has always be one of the marquee annual rivalry games in college football, even if during the Woody vs. Bo years it was also the most boring. It was Archie Griffin going off-tackle 4,000 times vs. Billy Taylor or Ed Shuttlesworth or Rob Lytle going off tackle 4,001 times, and the final score was always 12-10 or 13-12 or some other Novocaine number.

Still, the enmity kept you watching, because to someone with no dog in the hunt it was endlessly fascinating and a trifle amusing. After all, if you were an alum of one of those other Big Ten schools Bo and Woody routinely beat 69-7, you despised both of them. You regarded both as merely football factories masquerading as institutions of higher learning.

Unlike, you know, Northwestern. Or Purdue or IU or Wisconsin.

At any rate, the week leading up to Ohio State's 27-9 dismantling of the Wolverines in Ann Arbor yesterday was particularly entertaining.

Michigan fans kept saying Ohio State's 2024 national title was bogus on account of the Buckeyes lost to the Wolverines for the fourth straight time. Ohio State fans retaliated by saying, "Oh, yeah? Well, your 2023 title should have been voided because Jim Harbaugh was a (bleeping) cheater. Also, you've beaten us just seven times since the turn of the millennium, so shut the hell up."

The Michigan fans' insult was ridiculous because, by their logic, every national champion who's ever lost a regular season game is a fraud. And the Ohio State fans' retort is ridiculous because, if you voided every national champion who'd ever pulled a fast one -- fast ones much worse than spying on future opponents, in some cases -- "Void" would have more national titles than anyone.

Not that the Ohio State fans are caring much, this morning. The Buckeyes went to Ann Arbor, got down 6-0 early to the jacked Wolverines, and then methodically did what they've done to everyone in this 12-0 run of theirs: Beat them down with their endless supply of talent and depth.

Outscored the Wolverines 27-3 from that point on. Put a big smile on Ryan Day's face -- because Michigan fans spent the last four years laughing at him, and Ohio State fans, until last year's natty, spent the last four years saying he didn't know jack-all about football.

Well, Day and the 'Eyes have it now, at least for another year. So neener-neener-neener, Michigan. And you, too, Ohio State complainers.

Saturday, November 29, 2025

Friday night slights

 They played the Old Oaken Bucket game in West Lafayette last night, and it was the coldest Bucket game on record -- 24 degrees at game time -- and Indiana did what Indiana does, which was trash-compact poor Purdue 56-3. Ran on the Boilers like Secretariat, stacking 355 rushing yards and averaging a ridiculous 9.6 yards per carry. Finished with 548 total yards to the Purdues' 282.

And that's all I have to say about that, to quote Forrest Gump.

The rest goes back to those first 12 words: They played the Old Oaken Bucket game in West Lafayette last night ...

Last night.

On the first day of the high school football state finals in Indianapolis.

On a night -- Friday night -- that's supposed to belong to high school football, even when it's not state finals weekend.

That's wrong. It's just flat-out, certifiably, indubitably wrong.

And, yes, before you start in, I know how this makes me sound: Like Shout At The Kids In The Clouds To Get Off His Lawn guy. To which I will plead guilty. Sportsball World isn't like it used to be, and while I acknowledge that as a codger who still has most of his marbles, it doesn't mean I can't cuss and spit and say "consarn it!" a lot about what it's become.

Playing the Bucket game on what's supposed to be one of high school football's big days, for instance.

Mind you, this is not to single out Purdue and Indiana. Every money-grubbing institution of higher earning plays on Friday nights now -- even in Texas, where high school football is king and the colleges horning in on their deal is like taking the Lord's name in vain. It's pure-dee straight-up blasphemy.

Of course, being money-grubbing institutions of higher earning, the universities don't care about such things. They care about TV deals that could choke Mister Ed. Which means the days when college football told the networks "Here's when we're playing, televise it if you want" are long gone. 

The network tail started wagging the college football dog decades ago, and now the colleges play every day of the week except Sunday and Monday. If CBS or ESPN or Fox decided it could get a better return on their investment by having Purdue and Indiana play at midnight on a Wednesday during finals week, then Purdue and Indiana would play at midnight on a Wednesday during finals week. 

Money talks; propriety ... oh, hell, what's propriety got to do with it?

And so, the Boilers and Hoosiers played last night. And down in Indianapolis, at the same time, New Palestine concluded an unbeaten season by disposing of Merrillville in the 5A state title game. And in Ross-Ade Stadium and the university boardrooms and the lushly-appointed offices of the networks, they presumably said, "Aw, gee, isn't that sweet."

OK. So that's a lie.

What they really said, most likely, was nothing.

Friday, November 28, 2025

Chiefly "meh"

 Your world famous Kansas City Chiefs lost by a hair again yesterday, this time on Thanksgiving to the surging Dallas Cowboys. Who, don't look now, have won three in a row, came from 21-0 down to clip the division-leading Eagles last week, and now are GOING TO THE SUPER BOWL, DADGUM RIGHT, YOU BETTER BELIEVE IT, HOSS. HOW 'BOUT THEM COWBOYS??

Sorry. Some guy in a Stetson and a throwback Roger Staubach jersey just Linda Blair-ed me for a second. Demon possession can be such an ugly thing.

But back to the World Famous Chiefs.

If you're sick of them, you had one more thing to be thankful for yesterday, because Patrick Mahomes, Travis Kelce and the rest of 'em seem on the verge of going away, at least for now. And by "going away," I mean, "failing to make the playoffs."

Believe it or not, this could happen. And it's probably the latter -- not -- because it seems like every year for the last, I don't know, century or so, you're turning on your TV on Super Bowl Sunday and there that bleeping Mahomes and those bleeping Chiefs are again. They're like the Tom Brady Patriots only with more State Farm commercials.

Anyway, the Chiefs are 6-6 now, three games behind the Broncos in the AFC West and one game behind the Chargers. They've lost three of their last four, and would have lost the fourth had Shane Steichen not lost his nerve with the Colts up 11 in the fourth quarter in Arrowhead last week.

Now, it's true all of those six losses have been by a touchdown or less. But except for a win over the Lions on Sunday night six weeks ago, the Chiefs haven't beaten a team with a winning record this season. And they're 1-6 in those touchdown-or-less games -- a revealing stat for a team that was 10-0 in one-score games last season.

So, these are no longer the World Famous Chiefs. These are the Just Kinda "Meh" Chiefs.

Sorry, Patrick. Sorry, Taylor Swift's fiance. And, mostly, sorry, Chiefs fans.

You treated me right that time I covered a game in Arrowhead years ago, and I've had a soft spot for you since. But your guys are not going anywhere this year.

Your one bright spot: I'm almost always wrong when I say stuff like that. So there you go.

Thursday, November 27, 2025

A few brief Thanksgiving thoughts

 Happy Turkeycide Day, Blobophiles -- aka I Couldn't Eat Another Bi-Wait There's Pie? Day, aka Omigod What Did Aunt Myrtle Put In Her Jell-O Mold This Year? Day. May you stuff your faces and then drift off to Tryptophan Land on third-and-11 at the Lions 34.

You might also, because the very day has the word "thanks" in it, make a show of gratitude for the bounty the Lord has provided you. Like, I don't know, FanDuel's cool new "Prison Or Probation?" app for those who've embezzled funds from the company to pay off their Thanksgiving Day FanDuel debts.

What I mean to say is, it's a wonderful life ("Hey! That's a Christmas thing! Wait your turn, you sneaky bastard!" -- Thanksgiving). And so, in that spirit, here are a few things the Blob is thankful for this day:

1. Pie.

2. Pie.

3. MORE PIE.

Oh, and also ...

4. The glory and wonder of NFL officiating.

5. The cleansing endorphins that come from yelling at the glory and wonder of NFL officiating because DAMMIT THAT WAS HOLDING THROW THE FLAG.

6. All the TV commercials that do NOT feature A) Patrick Mahomes; B) Travis Kelce; C) Patrick Mahomes and Travis Kelce; D) Patrick Mahomes, Travis Kelce and Jason Kelce.

7. Stuff that makes me laugh.*

8. (*Such as the unintentional comedy of a convicted felon -- aka our glorious Fearless Leader -- pardoning a turkey.)

9. (*Also all the other unintentional comedy emanating from Glorious Fearless Leader's three-ring circus.)

10. (*Also all those College Football Playoff arguments -- especially ones that begin, "Notre Dame is a joke (because I hate Notre Dame"); "The SEC should get nine bids (because my name is Paul Finebaum)"; and "Who has Indiana beaten, anyway? (because my name is Paul Finebaum)." To amend Mr. Carlson from "WKRP In Cincinnati": No one ever thought THOSE turkeys could fly.)

Wednesday, November 26, 2025

Hall of memories

 Funny, sometimes, how a name will take you right back. All of a sudden you're no longer 70 years old, and you don't creak when you walk. All your joints are well-oiled. And the warranty on your various mechanics of nature has years to run yet.

Which is to say, I was looking at the list of 2025 Indiana Basketball Hall of Fame inductees the other day, and saw Jerry Bomholt's name on it.

Bunch of others, too, all of them firing little back-in-the-day synapses. Jay Edwards, who should have been in a long time ago except, apparently, for people who couldn't get past the missteps of his youth (and we all make them). Rick Fox, who went from Warsaw High to North Carolina to the NBA to Hollywood.  

And more: Cliff Hawkins, who I got to know as Luke Recker's high school coach at DeKalb. Marty Johnson, who coached rival East Noble, and who I got to know as a young coach at Pendleton Heights with a wry sense of humor and a gift for deflating the pompous -- including himself. 

And then there was Jerry Bomholt.

Who I still see, for some reason, kneeling on some sideline with his head down. His hand is on his forehead, shielding his eyes. An invisible weight seems to press down on him, and he looks  impossibly young -- even younger, perhaps, than the 26 years he was lugging around at the time.

I can't say for sure if this is a photo I'm remembering, or if such a photo even exists. I'm thinking it must, because the image is so clear in my mind. But 45 years have passed since that time, and the years are vandals and thieves, defacing what they don't outright steal.

What I do know is this: Whatever invisible weight I imagined Jerry Bomholt carrying in the late winter of 1980 was very real.

He was the assistant basketball coach at Anderson Highland High School at the time, a young kid learning his craft from one of the masters, an intensely driven  zone defense wizard named Bob Fuller. The night they rolled into tiny Lapel to take on Dally Hunter's Bulldogs, the Scots were undefeated. Fuller had been battling a heavy chest cold all week, but, being Fuller, insisted he could soldier on.

And he did. For one half.

At halftime, with the Scots leading big, his soldiering on ended in full cardiac arrest. He was rushed out of the gym by emergency personnel, and died later that night.

That left Jerry Bomholt, all of 26, to do the impossible: Soldier on.

And he did.

To this day, I don't know how he did it. Fuller's loss should have destroyed Highland's season, but somehow the kid held it together. And Highland's season was not destroyed, but merely re-defined.

The Scots, see, went on to win their first game after Fuller's death.  Then they won another. Then they won another and another, and pretty soon they were heading into the meatgrinder Anderson sectional still undefeated, and ranked No. 1 in the state.

And then they won the sectional, too.

Exhausted emotionally and physically, the Scots lost the next week at the regional. But the kid coach was on his way, having survived an inaugural stint as a head coach that almost surely was unlike any other.

And now it is all these years later, and here is Jerry Bomholt's name on the list of 2025 Indiana Hall of Fame inductees.

The accompanying bio says he retired this year after coaching 44 seasons at nine schools, compiling a 602-393 record. His teams won 20 conference championships and 13 sectionals, and, in 1998, his Southwestern (Hanover) team was the Class 2A state runnerup in the first year of class basketball in Indiana.

But that is not what I saw, of course, when I saw his name.

What I saw was a newby coach, impossibly young, kneeling with his hand over his eyes. Carrying an impossible weight. And somehow not buckling beneath it.