So exciting news has come down out of the National Hockey League: Seattle is joining the party!
Which is to say, the home of the Space Needle and Starbucks is getting an NHL franchise, and what fun it's going to be. There'll be that great border wars rivalry with Vancouver, or so one would presume. There'll be a lot of fans wearing self-aggrandizing No. 7 jerseys for the same reason Seahawks fans wear No. 12 jerseys -- for "The 12th Man," aka the fans. Seattle hockey fans will be The Seventh Man.
Even more fun will be trying to come up with a name for the new franchise.
The Blob being an Official Naming Zone, it has some suggestions. In so doing, it follows the accepted rules of naming hockey teams, which state that there must be an inordinate number of suggestions that include the word "ice," and also an inordinate number of suggestions that include the word "dogs."
Here we go:
1. Seattle Ice Dogs.
2. Seattle Needle-Nosed Ice Dogs.
3. Seattle Sea Dogs.
4. Seattle Grunge Dogs.
5. Seattle Iced Latte Dogs.
6. Seattle Rainiacs.
7. Seattle Icy Rainiacs.
8. Seattle Fightin' Chinooks.
9. Seattle Chinooks Fightin' Upstream While It Rains Cats And Dogs.
10. Seattle Fightin' Red Holiday Cups.
Seriously, though ...
Seriously, the best suggest comes from a friend of the Blob, who points out that the coolest idea would be to resurrect the name of a former Seattle minor league team: The Seattle Totems.
Which wore these way-cool jerseys.
Think we've got a winner.
Wednesday, December 5, 2018
Tuesday, December 4, 2018
Urban flier
Please, do not bring up the A-word. That is the Blob's modest request for this day.
That is its tiny favor to ask on the day a clearly ailing Urban Meyer announces he will retire from coaching (at least for now) after the Rose Bowl. That is its humble entreaty of all the TV lacquerheads and sports-talk radio poodles who will undoubtedly weigh in on this -- and in and in and in.
Whatever you do, guys, do not breathe the word "adversity." Because it doesn't apply here.
Yes, Meyer was suspended for three games at the beginning of the season, but that is not adversity when you're beating the wadding out of welcome mats like Oregon State (2-10), Rutgers (1-11) and TCU (6-6) in those three games. It is also not adversity when you brought that suspension on yourself by coddling a psycho assistant coach and then offering an explanation no one outside of Columbus, Ohio, could possibly believe.
Adversity is what happens when you are visited by unforeseen and undeserved misfortune. It is not what happens when that misfortune is self-inflicted.
Meyer has inflicted a lot of misfortune on himself across the years, so much so it has become an irretrievable part of his decidedly mixed legacy. On the one hand, he undisputedly is one of the two greatest college football coaches of the modern era along with Nick Saban. On the other ...
On the other, he's been pretty good at looking the other way when it was to his advantage.
Virtually unparalleled success on the field has gone hand-in-hand with some sketchy ethics for Meyer, and you cannot assess his career without considering both. Yes, he won two national titles at Florida; then again, some 30 Florida football players also were arrested during his six years there. Yes, he won another national title at Ohio State; then again, more arrests also happened there on his watch, on top of the whole Zach Smith mess.
One hopes both would get equal time in the inevitable media eulogy today. One also hopes the Rose Bowl won't become A Tribute To Urban Meyer a month hence.
Holding one's breath while hoping for that probably wouldn't be a wise option, however.
That is its tiny favor to ask on the day a clearly ailing Urban Meyer announces he will retire from coaching (at least for now) after the Rose Bowl. That is its humble entreaty of all the TV lacquerheads and sports-talk radio poodles who will undoubtedly weigh in on this -- and in and in and in.
Whatever you do, guys, do not breathe the word "adversity." Because it doesn't apply here.
Yes, Meyer was suspended for three games at the beginning of the season, but that is not adversity when you're beating the wadding out of welcome mats like Oregon State (2-10), Rutgers (1-11) and TCU (6-6) in those three games. It is also not adversity when you brought that suspension on yourself by coddling a psycho assistant coach and then offering an explanation no one outside of Columbus, Ohio, could possibly believe.
Adversity is what happens when you are visited by unforeseen and undeserved misfortune. It is not what happens when that misfortune is self-inflicted.
Meyer has inflicted a lot of misfortune on himself across the years, so much so it has become an irretrievable part of his decidedly mixed legacy. On the one hand, he undisputedly is one of the two greatest college football coaches of the modern era along with Nick Saban. On the other ...
On the other, he's been pretty good at looking the other way when it was to his advantage.
Virtually unparalleled success on the field has gone hand-in-hand with some sketchy ethics for Meyer, and you cannot assess his career without considering both. Yes, he won two national titles at Florida; then again, some 30 Florida football players also were arrested during his six years there. Yes, he won another national title at Ohio State; then again, more arrests also happened there on his watch, on top of the whole Zach Smith mess.
One hopes both would get equal time in the inevitable media eulogy today. One also hopes the Rose Bowl won't become A Tribute To Urban Meyer a month hence.
Holding one's breath while hoping for that probably wouldn't be a wise option, however.
Save of the year!
It's true, you know. Dogs really are a man's best friend.
Latest evidence can be found here, in which Fido goes all kick-save-and-a-beauty to rescue some poor human from extreme mortification. It's the sort of thing Lassie would have done had America known what soccer was back when that heroic pooch was melting hearts on TV. Presumably, it would have happened somewhere between Lassie saving the little girl who fell down the well and dragging an unconscious Timmy from the burning house.
After which Timmy, regaining consciousness, would have said: "You're the best, girl!"
And then:
"Except you know that save you made? It cost my team a goal."
Latest evidence can be found here, in which Fido goes all kick-save-and-a-beauty to rescue some poor human from extreme mortification. It's the sort of thing Lassie would have done had America known what soccer was back when that heroic pooch was melting hearts on TV. Presumably, it would have happened somewhere between Lassie saving the little girl who fell down the well and dragging an unconscious Timmy from the burning house.
After which Timmy, regaining consciousness, would have said: "You're the best, girl!"
And then:
"Except you know that save you made? It cost my team a goal."
A few brief thoughts on NFL Week 13
And now this week's edition of The NFL In So Many Words, the festive Blob feature critics have called "As welcome this time of year as the 1,456th playing of 'Wonderful Christmas Time'", and also "The blogging equivalent of a lump of coal in your Christmas stocking":
1. "We're going to make the playoffs!! NOTHING CAN STOP US NOW!!" (Indianapolis Colts, December 1)
2. "What th--?!" (Indianapolis Colts, evening of December 2)
3. "We are the greatest team in the history of teams!!" (Dallas Cowboys)
4. "Geez, will you guys just shut up already?" (Everyone else)
5. "I got it! I got it!" (Charles Clay, Buffalo Bills tight end)
6. "I ain't got it!" (Also Charles Clay)
7. "Dammit, Charles!" (Josh Allen, Buffalo Bills quarterback)\
8. Meanwhile, Mike McCarthy!
9. Is free now to work for a front office less populated by idiots.
10. "No, really! I got it this time! I -- Crap!" (Charles Clay)
1. "We're going to make the playoffs!! NOTHING CAN STOP US NOW!!" (Indianapolis Colts, December 1)
2. "What th--?!" (Indianapolis Colts, evening of December 2)
3. "We are the greatest team in the history of teams!!" (Dallas Cowboys)
4. "Geez, will you guys just shut up already?" (Everyone else)
5. "I got it! I got it!" (Charles Clay, Buffalo Bills tight end)
6. "I ain't got it!" (Also Charles Clay)
7. "Dammit, Charles!" (Josh Allen, Buffalo Bills quarterback)\
8. Meanwhile, Mike McCarthy!
9. Is free now to work for a front office less populated by idiots.
10. "No, really! I got it this time! I -- Crap!" (Charles Clay)
Monday, December 3, 2018
The right thing. Sort of.
The Kansas City Chiefs kept on keepin' on Sunday afternoon, beating the Hapless Oakland Raiders* (* -- Official name) without running back Kareem Hunt, who didn't play on account of a couple of minutes of hotel surveillance video from back in February.
In other words, Hunt got Ray Riced.
It was Ray Rice who caused the NFL to cartoonishly backpedal when video of him punching his then-fiancée in an elevator surfaced after he'd already been disciplined. Suddenly the Shield got all sanctimonious (as the only the Shield can) about domestic violence, and pretty soon Ray Rice was out of the league.
As is Kareem Hunt.
In February he got off scot free after shoving and kicking a woman in a skinny-hours altercation in a Cleveland hotel. He wasn't charged, and the Chiefs and the league pretty much ignored the incident after listening to Hunt's version. Then this showed up.
As with Rice, the reaction was instantaneous, and somewhat, yes, cartoonish. All of a sudden everyone was again very concerned about domestic violence. All of a sudden they were horrified that one of their players could be involved in such brutal behavior, even though no one seemed to wonder at the time why one of their players was getting into an altercation with a woman at zero dark thirty in the morning.
And so on Saturday, a day after the video surfaced, the Chiefs released Kareem Hunt, who had already rushed for 824 yards and seven touchdowns this season. And everyone applauded the Chiefs for demonstrating with such swiftness and clarity that domestic violence Will Not Be Tolerated in their organization, or by extension the NASH-unal FOOT-ball League itself.
Except.
Except the Chiefs official statement didn't exactly say that.
No, sir. The official statement declared that Hunt was being released because he was less than truthful with team officials. In other words, they weren't nearly as troubled by the fact their star running back got caught on video shoving and kicking a woman as they were with the fact he lied about it.
So, once again, it's not about domestic violence with these folks, really. The Chiefs weren't sticking up for the woman involved. They were sticking up for themselves because the worse offense, apparently, was committed against them. Kareem Hunt lied to us!
And so it goes, as Kurt Vonnegut used to say.
In other words, Hunt got Ray Riced.
It was Ray Rice who caused the NFL to cartoonishly backpedal when video of him punching his then-fiancée in an elevator surfaced after he'd already been disciplined. Suddenly the Shield got all sanctimonious (as the only the Shield can) about domestic violence, and pretty soon Ray Rice was out of the league.
As is Kareem Hunt.
In February he got off scot free after shoving and kicking a woman in a skinny-hours altercation in a Cleveland hotel. He wasn't charged, and the Chiefs and the league pretty much ignored the incident after listening to Hunt's version. Then this showed up.
As with Rice, the reaction was instantaneous, and somewhat, yes, cartoonish. All of a sudden everyone was again very concerned about domestic violence. All of a sudden they were horrified that one of their players could be involved in such brutal behavior, even though no one seemed to wonder at the time why one of their players was getting into an altercation with a woman at zero dark thirty in the morning.
And so on Saturday, a day after the video surfaced, the Chiefs released Kareem Hunt, who had already rushed for 824 yards and seven touchdowns this season. And everyone applauded the Chiefs for demonstrating with such swiftness and clarity that domestic violence Will Not Be Tolerated in their organization, or by extension the NASH-unal FOOT-ball League itself.
Except.
Except the Chiefs official statement didn't exactly say that.
No, sir. The official statement declared that Hunt was being released because he was less than truthful with team officials. In other words, they weren't nearly as troubled by the fact their star running back got caught on video shoving and kicking a woman as they were with the fact he lied about it.
So, once again, it's not about domestic violence with these folks, really. The Chiefs weren't sticking up for the woman involved. They were sticking up for themselves because the worse offense, apparently, was committed against them. Kareem Hunt lied to us!
And so it goes, as Kurt Vonnegut used to say.
Your wagering PSA for today
The NFL will have a kinda-sorta team (the Raiders) in Las Vegas soon, which suggests it's kinda-sorta not four-square against gambling on its product, as long as you're quiet about it and don't make it open its eyes by shouting HEY, LOOK, NFL, WE'RE GAMBLING ON YOUR PRODUCT.
That said ... there are reasons you might not want to gamble on the NFL. And none of them have anything to do with the fact that if you let gamblers in (officially, that is) guys named Bugsy and Rocco and Paulie Walnuts will move in and take over the sport.
No, sir. You don't want to gamble on the NFL for three reasons:
1. Jaguars 6, Colts 0.
2. Cardinals 20, Packers 17.
3. Giants 30, Bears 27.
In other words, a team that had lost seven games in a row shut out a team that had won five in a row behind one of the hottest quarterbacks in the league. A really, really awful team from Arizona beat Aaron Rodgers in Lambeau Field in December. And a cruddy Giants team beat a Bears team that looked like it really had its stuff together.
To sum up: The NFL is stupid. There is no such thing as momentum and you can't predict anything from week to week. And so it's the sucker bet of all sucker bets.
But go ahead, plunk some more down on next week's games. I'm sure you'll win big.
That said ... there are reasons you might not want to gamble on the NFL. And none of them have anything to do with the fact that if you let gamblers in (officially, that is) guys named Bugsy and Rocco and Paulie Walnuts will move in and take over the sport.
No, sir. You don't want to gamble on the NFL for three reasons:
1. Jaguars 6, Colts 0.
2. Cardinals 20, Packers 17.
3. Giants 30, Bears 27.
In other words, a team that had lost seven games in a row shut out a team that had won five in a row behind one of the hottest quarterbacks in the league. A really, really awful team from Arizona beat Aaron Rodgers in Lambeau Field in December. And a cruddy Giants team beat a Bears team that looked like it really had its stuff together.
To sum up: The NFL is stupid. There is no such thing as momentum and you can't predict anything from week to week. And so it's the sucker bet of all sucker bets.
But go ahead, plunk some more down on next week's games. I'm sure you'll win big.
Sunday, December 2, 2018
Expansion tale
I know what I saw Saturday, down there indoors in Atlanta, Ga. I saw two of the top four teams in college football.
One of them will get credit for that, thanks to the recovered glory of a previously glorious quarterback. The other will not, because there are certain inimitable laws about this constricted creature called, with a woeful absence of imagination, the College Football Playoff.
One of those laws is Thou Shalt Not Make The Playoff With Two Losses.
Sadly for fans of the Bulldogs, that applies to Georgia, which lost to LSU earlier in the year before coming from ahead to lose to previously unchallenged Alabama last night. Just as in the national championship game back in January, the Bulldogs dominated 'Bama for most of the day, leading 28-14 deep in the second half. And just as in the national championship game, 'Bama somehow pulled it out, 35-28, behind its backup quarterback.
The only difference was, the backup this time was Jalen Hurts, who was the starter in the national title game. And the starter was Tua Tagovailoa, who won the national title game in relief of Hurts, then had to give way to Hurts yesterday after Georgia sent him limping to the sidelines with the Tide down by a touchdown.
Enter Hurts, who scored the winning touchdown on a 15-yard run. Enter also Georgia coach Kirby "Maybe Not All That" Smart, who called for a fake punt with the score tied, saw it get stuffed and then watched Hurts cash in the brain cramp.
So Alabama remains unbeaten and likely will remain the top-ranked team in the upcoming CFP. And Georgia, per the inimitable laws, will go off to maul someone in some halfway decent bowl game somewhere.
But you know what?
To hell with the inimitable laws. I know what I saw.
I saw two of the top four teams in the nation, on one football field. And one of them won't get to prove it in the CFP.
Oklahoma?
Yeah, the Sooners will likely fill the No. 4 spot after beating Texas by 10 in the Big 12 title game. And that will happen because Ohio State didn't bury Northwestern in style points in the Big Ten title game, And yet neither one, for my money, is better than Georgia. The eyeball test is rarely wrong, and that's what my eyeballs tell me.
Which gets me to thinking about numbers. Specifically, two of them: Four and eight.
Four is what the CFP consists of now. Eight is what it ought to consist of.
An eight-team playoff would mean the champion of every Power 5 conference would get an automatic bid, just like the NCAA basketball tournament. That would leave three at-large bids for, say, a Central Florida, which just completed its second straight unbeaten season. Or for a Georgia, which paid dearly for that misstep down in Baton Rouge back in October.
Without that, the Bulldogs are a one-loss team. And likely would have remained in the playoff even with the loss to Alabama, simply because they're the only team that's given the Tide even a moment's pause this season. And thus seem pretty clearly one of the four best teams in the nation.
And, yes, I understand expanding the playoff to eight teams perhaps opens a floodgate the NCAA is loathe to open. If eight teams make it, why not 12? Why not 16? On and on and on.
I also understand this is a reaction to a circumstance specific to this one year. There will not be a two-loss team as good as Georgia most years. So, yeah, there's a little knee-jerkery going on here.
And yet ...
And yet, I know what I saw.
And I wish I had the chance to see it again.
One of them will get credit for that, thanks to the recovered glory of a previously glorious quarterback. The other will not, because there are certain inimitable laws about this constricted creature called, with a woeful absence of imagination, the College Football Playoff.
One of those laws is Thou Shalt Not Make The Playoff With Two Losses.
Sadly for fans of the Bulldogs, that applies to Georgia, which lost to LSU earlier in the year before coming from ahead to lose to previously unchallenged Alabama last night. Just as in the national championship game back in January, the Bulldogs dominated 'Bama for most of the day, leading 28-14 deep in the second half. And just as in the national championship game, 'Bama somehow pulled it out, 35-28, behind its backup quarterback.
The only difference was, the backup this time was Jalen Hurts, who was the starter in the national title game. And the starter was Tua Tagovailoa, who won the national title game in relief of Hurts, then had to give way to Hurts yesterday after Georgia sent him limping to the sidelines with the Tide down by a touchdown.
Enter Hurts, who scored the winning touchdown on a 15-yard run. Enter also Georgia coach Kirby "Maybe Not All That" Smart, who called for a fake punt with the score tied, saw it get stuffed and then watched Hurts cash in the brain cramp.
So Alabama remains unbeaten and likely will remain the top-ranked team in the upcoming CFP. And Georgia, per the inimitable laws, will go off to maul someone in some halfway decent bowl game somewhere.
But you know what?
To hell with the inimitable laws. I know what I saw.
I saw two of the top four teams in the nation, on one football field. And one of them won't get to prove it in the CFP.
Oklahoma?
Yeah, the Sooners will likely fill the No. 4 spot after beating Texas by 10 in the Big 12 title game. And that will happen because Ohio State didn't bury Northwestern in style points in the Big Ten title game, And yet neither one, for my money, is better than Georgia. The eyeball test is rarely wrong, and that's what my eyeballs tell me.
Which gets me to thinking about numbers. Specifically, two of them: Four and eight.
Four is what the CFP consists of now. Eight is what it ought to consist of.
An eight-team playoff would mean the champion of every Power 5 conference would get an automatic bid, just like the NCAA basketball tournament. That would leave three at-large bids for, say, a Central Florida, which just completed its second straight unbeaten season. Or for a Georgia, which paid dearly for that misstep down in Baton Rouge back in October.
Without that, the Bulldogs are a one-loss team. And likely would have remained in the playoff even with the loss to Alabama, simply because they're the only team that's given the Tide even a moment's pause this season. And thus seem pretty clearly one of the four best teams in the nation.
And, yes, I understand expanding the playoff to eight teams perhaps opens a floodgate the NCAA is loathe to open. If eight teams make it, why not 12? Why not 16? On and on and on.
I also understand this is a reaction to a circumstance specific to this one year. There will not be a two-loss team as good as Georgia most years. So, yeah, there's a little knee-jerkery going on here.
And yet ...
And yet, I know what I saw.
And I wish I had the chance to see it again.
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