England plays France today in the World Cup third-place game, and the history geek in me could not be more geeked. This is the Seven Years War and the Hundred Years War and the Second Hundred Years War all wrapped up in a tidy corner kick, or perhaps a setpiece starring Harry Kane or Kylian Mbappe.
"That's just silly, Mr. Blob," you're saying now. "France and England haven't made war on each other in decades. This is just another soccer match between two strong European sides."
Is it, though? Is it REALLY?
Because the Blob's over-caffeinated imagination (and confirmed history nerdity) envisions something else when the French and English square off today.
Like, if Mbappe scores for France, will he taunt the Brits by shouting "Cornwallis ... paging Lord Cornwallis ..."?
And if Kane or Jude Bellingham score for England, will the English fans pantomime shooting arrows while chanting "Agincourt! Agincourt!" in a mocking sort of way?
Will the French respond by raising a banner that reads "We Killed Nelson And We're Not Sorry"? Will the Brits retaliate by raising a white bedsheet that reads, "National Flag Of France"?
Oh, the insults will fly then ...
"You lost India to a guy in a loincloth!" the French will mock.
"Thanks for the Northwest Territories! Nice of you to surrender them to us!" the English will reply.
"Hastings!" "Waterloo!" "They shall not pass!" "Vini, vidi, Vichy!"
On and on.
"Silliness," you're reiterating. "Pure, undiluted silliness."
Yeah, well. Sorry not sorry.
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