Tuesday, March 6, 2018

A pioneer passes

Quietly, in the way he did everything, one of the signature athletes of the 20th century passed the other day. Maybe you heard about it, even though he was English and we are a devoutly provincial society here in America. Likely you didn't.

After all, it's been 64 years since Sir Roger Bannister did what many believed could never be done.

The four-minute mile is such a routine milepost anymore that it almost doesn't count as one, so it's hard to understand, here in 2018, what a man-walking-on-the-moon aura it once possessed. Serious people with serious credentials believed it couldn't be done without a man's heart bursting in his chest. There are limits to human achievement, those people believed, and a human being running a mile in four minutes was one of them.

And then, on a damp, breezy May afternoon on a cinder track off Iffley Road in Oxford, England, a gangly young medical student blew that notion to shards.

Paced by two of his friends and teammates, Christopher Chataway and Chris Brasher, Bannister, all elbows and knees, unspooled his devastating kick across the last 200 meters and flew through the tape in 3:59.4, emptying his tank so completely that he immediately collapsed in the arms of his coaches. He was 25 years old, and he would not get much older before he would walk away from competitive running. Not long after beating John Landy in an epic duel three months after making history -- and two months after Landy became the second man to break four minutes in the mile -- Bannister retired from athletics to pursue his medical career.

That, too, seems quaint here in 2018, when athletes  make their sport a profession. True amateurs are a rarity in the Olympic sports these days; in Bannister's day, they were the rule. It makes what he did even more astounding.

Consider: He achieved one of the iconic milestones in athletic history while training part-time, on a cinder track, wearing spikes that resembled today's running shoes the way an oxcart resembles a Tesla. And he did it only by pushing himself literally to the edge of consciousness.

Again, it's hard to fathom in 2018 how this made headlines all over the world. It was, it seems, of a piece with the times, when almost daily those old assumptions about human limits were being swept away.

Roger Bannister's time, after all, saw Chuck Yeager break the sound barrier. It saw Dr. Jonas Salk discover a polio vaccine. Seven years after Bannister's feat, first the Russians and then the Americans launched a human being into space and brought him back safely; 15 years after that breezy day along Iffley Road, human beings walked on the moon.

A man running a mile in less than four minutes?

Just another piece of all that.

Monday, March 5, 2018

A little Dakota fanning

And, no, not the actress.

This would be "fanning" as a verb the Blob just made up, on account of it made for a clever headline. Turns out U.S. News and World Report is doing all sorts of fanning for Dakota -- North Dakota in particular -- which it's named the best state in the union for quality of life.

(Which is just salt in an open Hoosier wound, coming a day after North Dakota State knocked Indiana's lone Summit League representative, IPFW, out of the conference tournament. This after IPFW had beaten North Dakota State twice already this year. This after the Mastodons, who are a five-hour bus ride east of the next easternmost Summit League school, had to fly out to Sioux Falls, S.D. to play one game.)

(And you know what's even worse? Not only did North Dakota's rep bounce Indiana's rep, it beat Indiana by 47 places in the U.S. News ranking. Yes, that's right. Indiana came in 48th out of 50 states in Quality of Life.)

Where was I again?

Oh, yeah. North Dakota No. 1 with a bullet in qualify of life.

Or to punctuate it another way: North Dakota?!

You mean the state whose motto is Come For The Windchills, Stay For The Numbing Isolation? The state where Steve Buscemi got stuffed in a woodchipper? The state where the four seasons are Winter, Winter, Winter and the Fourth of July?

That North Dakota?

At least South Dakota has Mt. Rushmore, the Black Hills and the Corn Palace. (A whole palace! Made out of corn! You should see it!). And Minnesota, which somehow ranks second -- apparently frostbite is a major quality-of-life thing for U.S. News -- has 10,000 lakes and the Boundary Waters and the U.S. Hockey Hall of Fame. But North Dakota?

Remember that scene in "Fargo" where Buscemi buries the money before his unfortunate meeting with the woodchipper?

Yeah. That's North Dakota.

On the other hand, the taxes are low, you can breathe the air and drink the water and people don't tend to shoot each other in droves because they'd have to travel miles by dogsled to do it.

Also, Roger Maris was from North Dakota.

So there's that.

March blandness

And now, on the morning after Kobe Bryant won an Oscar (for Short Animated Film) and then dunked over right-wing harpy/sports illiterate Laura Ingraham with a cutting reference to her "shut up and dribble" dismissal of basketball players ...

The Blob again refuses to offer a dismissal of its own.

In other words, I still believe Purdue has the ingredients to be a Final Four team, despite losing badly to Michigan in the Big Ten Tournament finale, an outcome virtually everyone should have seen coming.

But I also believe this: It has no chance if it continues to play the way it has for the last month.

In what's become a recurring theme, big man Isaac Haas carried the load again for the Boilermakers, scoring 23 points and taking eight rebounds. And once again he got little help from the rest of a lineup that's gone mostly dark after lighting it up for the first three months of the season.

While Michigan sophomore Zavier Simpson -- the best perimeter player on the floor by miles and miles Sunday -- zipped over, around and through them at will, the Boilermakers' previously impeccable perimeter players came up empty again. The Edwards duo, Carsen and Vince, combined for just 16 points on 6-of-22 shooting. Carsen Edwards, who'd scored 53 points in the tournament's first two games, was shut down by Simpson and Co., going for just 12 on 4-of-16 misfiring. As a team, the Boilers, once perhaps the best 3-point shooting team in the country, missed 13 of 17 from the arc.

That is not going to get the Purdues anywhere a week-and-a-half from now. It might not even get them out of the first weekend of the Madness.

They're a devastating inside-out team when right, as they pretty much were all through November, December and January. But when the Edwardses and Dakota Mathias can't throw it in the ocean from a rowboat, they're easily defendable. Teams can collapse on Haas with impunity, knowing Purdue's shooters aren't going to make them pay on the kick-out. Or they can let Haas get his and simply take away everything else, as has been alarmingly easy the last month.

At the opposite end of that spectrum is Michigan, which was playing the best basketball in the Big Ten coming into New York and thus shocked no one by winding up the last man standing. They beat the Big Ten's presumptive Big Two, Michigan State and Purdue, back-to-back by 11 and nine points, respectively. Don't be stunned if the Wolverines duplicate last year, when they reached the Sweet Sixteen after again catching fire late.

As they say, timing is everything. Purdue was the best team in the Big Ten two months ago. Michigan and Michigan State are the best teams in the conference now. And a week-and-a-half from now?

Maybe Purdue can give us January in March. And maybe it will only give us Purdue in March.

History doesn't have much good to say about the latter.

Sunday, March 4, 2018

Timeout for the Big O

No, not Oscar Robertson. We're talkin' Oscars here, that little gold statue that looks like Michael Rennie's robot in "The Day The Earth Stood Still." Because tonight, boys and girls, is Oscar Night.

And so the Blob will put aside childish things (sports) for other childish things (movies), and give you a quick synopsis of the five films up for Best Picture. If you're a sports guy who thinks "Ugh! Movies! What about the Big Ten Tournament?", go do something else for awhile. Also no one in New York cares about the Big Ten Tournament, so why should the Blob?

Anyway ... here's the Blob's snarky summary of the Best Pictures, a totally original idea no one's ever done before:

1. Lady Bird

Teenage girl has issues with her mom, boyfriends, the world in general. A totally original idea no one's ever done before.

2. Dunkirk

Christopher Nolan messes with time. Also, planes, boats, a bunch of guys sitting forlornly on a beach.

3. Darkest Hour

"Hey, I was involved in that Dunkirk thing, too!" -- Winston Churchill

4.  Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri

Woody Harrelson kills himself rather than live in a town full of a**holes.

5. Get Out

(Bleeping) racists, anyway.

6. The Post

Hey, look! Journalism!

7. Phantom Thread

Daniel Day-Lewis plays an obsessed dressmaker with detachment issues. Alternate title: There Will Be Cross-Stitching.

8. Call Me By Your Name

A child and an adult fall in love. But it's not creepy at all because, damn, Italy is beautiful.

9. The Shape of Water

The Creature From the Black Lagoon gets the girl.

And there you have it. Tomorrow, the Big Ten Tournament. Promise.

Saturday, March 3, 2018

That river in Egypt

Which would be Denial, of course.

Which is what Arizona basketball coach Sean Miller did splendidly the other day, denying he had ever, ever, ever offered a recruit (or his agent) money, or violated NCAA rules in any way to his knowledge, never, ever, ever.

In recognition of this performance, the school's president, Robert Robbins, and the board of regents backed him with the ever-popular vote of confidence. Hey, don't laugh. It happens to have been a really good vote of confidence.

 "At this time we have no reason to believe Coach Miller violated NCAA rules or any laws regarding the allegations reported in the media," Robbins said. "Additionally, he has a record of compliance with NCAA rules, and he has been cooperative with this process."

Except ...

Except what about those FBI wiretaps that have Miller negotiating for the services of Arizona star freshman Deandre Ayton on multiple phone calls?

Was that not Miller on the tape?

Was it some other random guy from Arizona?

Or did the media report it wrong, as Miller claims?

And if the media did report it wrong, how come no one but Miller has come out and said so?

There the Blob goes again, messing up a perfectly good denial.

Bucking the over-analysts

And now more from the NFL combine, which the Blob explained in all its psychotic glory yesterday.

It seems the paralysis-by-analysis crowd has determined that Louisville's 2016 Heisman Trophy winner Lamar Jackson does not have what it takes to be an effective quarterback in the NFL, or at least one you would want to throw a pile of money at in the upcoming draft.

They say he's too small. They say he doesn't have the arm strength or the accuracy. They say he can't do what he does with his legs, he'll get killed out there.

Oh, wait. That's what they said about Drew Brees, Russell Wilson, Cam Newton, Dak Prescott. You know, all those complete busts.

Jackson?

Well, they're saying a lot of the same thing about him, too -- including that he's too small, even though he's 6-3. That's 3-to-4 inches taller than Brees and Wilson, but, you know, never mind.

As to the rest ... well, it's true he's stunningly athletic, which apparently is not a metric the paralysis-by-analysis crowd prizes in their prospective NFL quarterbacks, even though there is significant evidence the ideal model is moving in that direction. The better quarterbacks in the league, particularly the younger ones, all have a certain amount of mobility these days. They all can do things with their legs. And there are abundant examples of that type who have succeeded to one degree or another going all the way back to Michael Vick -- or, if you really want to get old school, Fran Tarkenton.

And here's something else: Jackson is no shrinking violet.

To those at the combine who are convinced he's no NFL quarterback, and who had designs on working him out at wide receiver, Jackson had one response: Hell, no. He is, he said, a quarterback. He's not a wide receiver. He's a quarterback.

He's certainly got the quantitative evidence of that. In 2016, the year the won the Heisman, he the for 3,543 yards and 30 touchdowns and ran for 1,571 yards and 21 more touchdowns. Last season, he threw for 3,660 yards and 27 TDs and ran 1,601 yards and 18 scores.

If you're keeping score at home, that's better than 7,000 yards passing, 3,172 yards rushing and 96 touchdowns accounted for in two seasons.

I think someone in the NFL could find a way to make a guy like that work as a quarterback. Especially when you look at some of the sad sacks currently drawing NFL paychecks at the position.

I mean, Nathan Peterman and Christian Hackenberg can play in this league, but Lamar Jackson can't?

Okey-dokey.

Friday, March 2, 2018

Combine this

It's Combine Week in the National Football League, one of the highlights of the NFL season by the Blob's lights, because it raises the Shield's obsession with minutiae and nonsense to levels even more hysterically absurd than usual.

Here's the key thing to remember about the combine, for instance: It's not about determining who can play football  among the latest crop of potential draft picks/future head trauma victims. It's about Big Guys In Shorts Running Sprints And Answering A Bunch Of Dumb Questions To See Who Cracks Under The Pressure.

In pure football terms, see, the NFL teams already know everything they need to know about these guys, especially the potential first-rounders. They've watched tape on them until their eyeballs fell out. They've analyzed them for all manner of arcane metrics: linemen for Waist Bending, running backs for Burst, defensive backs for (in at least one famous instance) Tight Skin.

No, really. One year, an analyst actually said one of the upsides about former Colts DB Marlin Jackson was that he had "tight skin." I have no idea what the man was talking about, or even if he was entirely sober.

And as for quarterbacks ...

Well. They've been scrutinized more than any other position, because more than any other position a quarterback can make or break your franchise. Which is why, when USC's Sam Darnold was criticized for opting out of throwing at the combine, it wasn't because teams wouldn't get to see if he could throw the 20-yard sideline route. It was because it was taken as a sign he didn't want the challenge of throwing in less-than-optimum conditions, thereby (theoretically, anyway) calling into question his competitiveness.

No one at the combine wants to see if Darnold and the other high-end QBs can play, see. They already know they can play. It's not a Can He Make All The Throws test; it's a Jesus, Please Don't Let Him Be Another Ryan Leaf Or Johnny Manziel test.

(The Blob's leader in the clubhouse in the latter: Baker Mayfield. Grabbing your crotch and screaming F-bombs at Kansas, for God's sake? That's some vintage Leaf right there.)

And so it's all about getting them in a room and asking them weird questions,. The NFL being the Kremlin-esque construct it is, we get only fleeting reports on just how weird the questions are. But we do know prospects have been asked in the past if they liked boys, or if they thought their mothers were attractive. And then there was the famous time Dolphins GM Jeff Ireland asked Dez Bryant if his mom was a hooker.

Presumably the intent of the question was to see if Bryant would get angry. He didn't take the bait, which (again, presumably) was a point in his favor.

Me?  I would have counted it as a point in his favor if he'd leaped over the desk and grabbed Ireland by the throat. 

"Displays great aggressiveness!" I would have scribbled.

Anyway ... the Blob has noted before that the nature of the questions reveals far more about the people asking them than it does about the prospects. Judging from what we know, for instance, there are apparently a few GMs in the league who have serious mommy issues.

But, again, it's not about football here. It's about how you handle yourself. In that regard, the NFL combine is remindful of those scenes in "The Right Stuff" where they're putting the astronaut candidates through a bunch of goofy physical tests that are really psychological tests.

Remember that dour nurse, always taking notes?

Don't even try to tell me her doppelganger isn't at the combine this week. Don't even.