A third-degree burn

 And now a new feature the Blob just made up, Today In Platinum-Grade Dissing, a purpose-built construct created only because Zlatan Ibrahimovic is, shall we say, a fairly plain-spoken dude.

Zlatan Ibrahimovic is not a Bond villain, an MMA fighter or a groundstroke monster from Zagreb working on his fourth or fifth Wimbledon title. He's an international soccer player who was a teammate of Lionel Messi's with Barcelona, and who still thinks very highly of the aging virtuoso.

What he doesn't think so highly of is the team he's playing for now, Inter Miami from the MLS.

Inter Miami just got booted from the FIFA Club World Cup by another of Messi's former teams, Paris St. Germain, in the round of 16. The final score was 4-0 (Adjusted NFL Score: 52-0). And Zlatan put the blame for that not on Messi but his Inter Miami teammates, whom he called a bunch of losers.

OK, so he didn't. What he actually said was this: "Messi plays with statues, not teammates."

"He's surrounded by players who run as if they were carrying bags of cement," Ibrahimovic went on in an ESPN.com piece. "If you put him in a real team, he'd go all-out. There are no coaches, no stars, not even players who understand how to move without the ball. If he were on a real team, any great team, you'd  see the real lion."

Gee, Zlatan. Tell us what you really think.

And, OK, sure, he was only saying out loud what a lot of European pros think about  MLS, which is that it's a league for schlubs and aging stars looking to scoop some coin before they hang up the kit. Presumably that's what Messi is doing with Inter Miami, considering he's 38 now and well down the slope of his career.

His return to play European sides in the Club World Cup sparked discussion of whether or not the Argentine master could still play with the big boys, which presumably sparked Ibrahimovic's defense of him.

Not to say his third-degree burn of Messi's current mates.

Who, by the way, became the first MLS club ever to beat European club in official play when they beat FC Porto 2-1 in the group stage. It made Inter Miami the only MLS club to reach the knockout round of the tournament.

So there, Zlatan. Or not "so there," considering the part about Inter Miami being the only MLS rep in the knockout round.

In any case, it's Lionel against the world by Ibrahimovic's lights.

"Messi plays alone because he loves the game, because he can still do what 99% of players can't," Zlatan said.

"Plays alone"!

Wow. Fourth-degree burn right there.