So yesterday the NCAA decreed that Louisville must vacate its 2013 basketball title, as punishment for turning its basketball facility into a whorehouse (an actual whorehouse, not just a figurative one, although Louisville did that, too, among many others.) This means the 2013 NCAA title will remain vacant in the record books -- or, in the NCAA's word, "vacated."
And so we go now to the campus of Vacated as it celebrated its first NCAA basketball title ...
NOWHERE IN PARTICULAR, USA -- Pandemonium reigned quietly yesterday when the word came down that Vacated was the NCAA's official 2013 college basketball champion.
"We're No. 1!" Vacated chanted at an impromptu rally in the vacant lot that serves as, well, pretty much the entire place.
"I knew we could do it!" Vacated also chanted.
Meanwhile, Vacated's coach, Carl "Not Here" Youneversawme, said it had been a long, hard struggle to get to the top, but it was all worth it.
"Forty-seven years ago, when the NCAA made us the runnerup by declaring Villanova's appearance in the title game vacated, I thought it was the pinnacle," Coach Youneversawme said. "But the 2013 team was special. We had it all: Length, explosiveness, some great shooters. And Coach Pitino over there at Louisville did a hell of job averting his eyes at all the right times. Thanks, Coach!"
Police said the rally was relatively peaceful, although several vacated cars were not turned over and set on fire by the many nonexistent revelers who had vacated the premises for whereabouts unknown.
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