Tuesday, October 15, 2024

A few brief thoughts on NFL Week 6

 And now this week's edition of The NFL In So Many Words, the Blob feature that never changes except when it changes, and of which critics have said "How about making like a tree and leaving for a change?", and also, "I got a pocketful of change for ya if you just go away":

1. "Gah! We suck again!" (Cowboys fans, after the Lions flame-broiled the Pokes 47-9 in Dallas)

2. "Hooray, we don't!" (Lions fans)

3. Meanwhile, the Patriots!

4. Swapped out Jacoby Brissett for rookie Drake Maye at quarterback. Still lost.

5. "Drake Maye, Doris Day, Earl Grey. Doesn't much matter without Bill-ay." (Patriots fans)

6. (Bill-ay Belichick chuckles, orders more drinks on the beach with his 27-year-old girlfriend)

7. In other news, the Colts beat the Titans (again!). The Browns lost, the Panthers lost, the Giants lost, the Jets lost (even with Aaron Rodgers!). The officiating was standup comedy (eternally!).

8. "Look, guys, we're 4-2!" (The Falcons, the Bears, the Buccaneers)

9. "We were 2-0 once! Well, we were!" (The Saints, who fell to 2-4 after being car-washed at home by the Bucs, 51-27)

10.  "Gah! We suck again!" (Cowboys fans, still)

Monday, October 14, 2024

Da Bearz! (Maybe)

 The Chicago Bears pureed the Jacksonville Jaguars 35-16 over in London yesterday, and Caleb Williams looked like the quarterback Chicago hasn't had since Mrs. O'Leary's cow kicked over the lantern, and now the predictable is happening in the Windblown City.

The citizenry is turning into all those fat guys in that old "Da Bearz" SNL skit.

If Caleb Williams fought Superman, who would win?

Caleb Williams!

If you made one team out of the Lombardi Packers, the Chuck Noll Steelers and the Bill Walsh 49ers, and they played Da Bearz, who would win?

Da Bearz!

That sort of thing.

And, OK, sure, there's likely plenty of skepticism out there. But the fan base is all revved up. Even the Chicago media is in on it, with columnists columnizing that Caleb Williams is the elite quarterback Chicagoans have been waiting for since great-grandpa was storming the beaches of Normandy and Sid Luckman was whupping various Giants, Eagles and Lions.

This is because the kid completed 23-of-29 throws yesterday for 226 yards and four touchdowns, and when he had to run he ran for 56 yards and averaged 14 yards per tote.

It's because the Bears are 4-2 now and have won their last three games by a combined score of 95-44. 

It's because the Bears look like a real football team with a real quarterback, and it's just possible that's what they really are.

So I guess now is the time for the Blob to do what the Blob does best.

In other words: Here is where I stick a pin in some kid's balloon, burst a bubble or two, conjure rain just in time for the parade.

Yes, I am That Guy. I'm the driver's ed instructor who was always telling you to SLOW THE (BLEEP) DOWN. I'm the party pooper, the buzz killer, the responsible one holding onto the back of your coat when you tried to rush headlong off that cliff.

I'm the guy who's saying today, yes, the Bears are getting better every week, and Caleb Williams is getting better every week, and maybe he is the long-awaited golden child. But a couple of things must be said.

One, two of the Bears victories in their three-game win streak have come against the two worst teams in the NFL.

Two ... well, have you seen the Bears schedule from mid-November on?

Yes, it's OK to feel good about the last three games, but Jacksonville is 1-5 and the Jags only W came at home against the Indianapolis Colts, who never win in Jacksonville. And the Carolina Panthers, whom the Bears pole-axed last week, are also 1-5 and are giving up a tick under 34 points per game.

I'm not trying to feng anyone's shui here. I'm just pointing out that the Bears haven't exactly been beating up on the Lombardi Packers, the Noll Steelers or the Walsh 49ers.

Also, I've gotten a look at the schedule. And, ye gods, what a gauntlet from the week before Thanksgiving on.

Between Nov. 17 and Dec. 22, here's who the Bears play: The Packers, the Vikings, the Lions, the 49ers, the Vikings again and the Lions again. That's four teams with a current combined record of 16-6. And if you throw out the Niners, it's 13-3.

I'm guessing that's where we find out who these Bears really are. 

Da Bearz? Or just, you know, the Bears?




Sunday, October 13, 2024

Proof of life

 In the end, maybe it was just a numerology thing.

Purdue was playing a guy wearing 3 at quarterback, but then he got hurt. That handed the ball to a guy wearing 15, who was offered up as a live sacrifice to No. 23 Illinois in Champaign.

Except.

Except you know who else wore 15 at Purdue?

Drew Brees wore 15.

Mike Phipps wore 15.

I don't hold with much anymore in this world, but I think young Ryan Browne might have been channeling both yesterday for the Cradle of Quarterbacks.

All the live sacrifice did was steal some of that Notre Dame business, even though the Purdues lost in the end. He woke up the echoes, is what Browne did. Threw for 297 yards and three touchdowns on 18-of-26 passing. Pulled it down 17 times and rambled for 116 more yards. Cracked open some daylight for beleaguered running back Devin Mockobee, who crashed for 103 yards and another score on just 11 touches.

For one almost glorious afternoon, in other words, Purdue looked like an actual football team. The corpse Wisconsin embalmed 52-6 and Notre Dame humiliated 66-7 showed proof of life. Yeah, the Boilers lost again, because not even Browne/Brees/Phipps could make their DBs faster or their O-line block better. But it came down to one play, in overtime, against a ranked team on the road. 

That play was the last play, Purdue down 50-49 in overtime. Ryan Walters went for the two-point conversion and the win rather than another OT, and, please, no howling from the peanut gallery. You go for the win on the road. Always. Football 101.

You especially do that if you're Purdue, and you haven't been within a light year of a W in over a month. So Walters dialed up a rollout for Browne, and the O-line leaked again, and Browne got buried. 

Now, you can question why Walters didn't elect to just give the ball to Mockobee on that play, seeing how he was averaging almost a first down a carry. But Illinois was going to hit him with the entire state if Mockobee got the mail. Even Abe Lincoln would have been involved.

And so, the rollout. Everything else in the fourth quarter and OT had worked for Purdue -- in including a two-point conversion -- so why not that?

The Boilers were down 40-28, and then they scored. And then they pulled off an onside kick. And then they scored again, running the clock down to under a minute before they did.  

That made it 41-40, Purdue. The aforementioned two-point conversion made it 43-40. All Illinois could reasonably hope to do was tie it to force OT.

Of course, the Illini did. It looked like curtains for them when the Boilers sacked quarterback Luke Altmyer, and then they almost sacked him again. But Altmyer got away and chucked it far downfield, where it was caught close enough for Illini kicker David Olano to cash a sand-wedge field goal and send it to OT.

That set up a hell of a finish on a hell of a weekend for college football. Arizona State knocked off No. 16 Utah. Alabama almost lost again when South Carolina recovered an onside kick, but an interception saved the Tide, 27-25. USC almost got No. 4 Penn State in L.A., but the Nittany Lions survived 33-30 in overtime. 

No. 8 Tennessee beat unranked Florida in OT. No. 13  LSU beat No 9 Ole Miss in OT. No. 1 Texas blew out Oklahoma in the Red River Rivalry game. And of course No. 3 Oregon clipped No. 2 Ohio State 32-31 in the big showdown in Eugene.

The Blob hates the term "instant classic," but that one was an instant classic. I think the lead changed hands eleventy-hundred times. Neither team ever led by more than a touchdown. In the end, you could reasonably say only the clock was the difference, because Ohio State was driving when it ran out of seconds.

For Purdue, the difference was one last failed play. Coaches love to say there's no such thing as a moral victory, but one last failed play gives Walters a lot more to build on than one last note of the national anthem.

Which is where Purdue has commenced failing too many times this season.

Saturday, October 12, 2024

The carryover

 You heard it, of course. You always do when women's sports are the topic du jour, and it always comes from the same crowd.

We're talking about the WNBA, of course.

We're talking about Caitlin Clark, and how she made the WNBA appointment viewing in a way it had never before been, and how Same Crowd sneered that only she could have raised the profile of such a lousy product.

"Wait'll Caitlin loses in the playoffs," went the refrain, or something like it. "No one will be watching this trash."

Except ...

Except Caitlin's been out of the picture for awhile now. And a whole lot of folks are still watching.

According to Sports Media Watch, which tracks these things, almost a million-and-a-half viewers tuned in Game 1 of the WNBA Finals, even though it was up against the NFL Thursday night game and Yankees-Royals in the ALDS. It was the most-watched Game 1 of the finals in league history, and the most-watched finals game, period, in 21 years.

And, yeah, more eyeballs were on Clark whenever she played. But even after she and the Indiana Fever lost in the first round, the playoffs have attracted more eyeballs this year in comparison to years past.

So clearly everyone who tuned in to watch Caitlin Clark saw something compelling besides just her. They got a look at the women's game itself, and they liked what they saw.

Call that the Caitlin Carryover if you like. But call it also a W for a league that deserves that and more.

Friday, October 11, 2024

Life, imitating ... well, you know

 ... in which the Blob begs your indulgence to make a brief detour into the muck-encrusted hellhole of American politics, seeing how there's a presidential election coming up in about three weeks.

Let's start with this: I am a devoted Stephen King fan.

Been one of his Constant Readers since I picked up a copy of "'Salem's Lot" almost 50 years ago, and it scared me so bad it gave me the heebie-jeebies to read it alone at night in my apartment. It also reeled me in completely, and now I've read a good chunk of everything he's churned out since.

Fast forward to the other day, when King observed that he unknowingly made Donald Trump a character in one of this books four decades ago, before anyone outside New York had barely heard of him. The book was "The Dead Zone." King named the would-be Trump character Greg Stillson, a raving demagogue with a cult-like following who was so outlandish you suspected King deliberately crafted him as a cartoon.

Well. Not so much, apparently.

Now the cartoon is very real, in a way King admits he never dreamed possible. And that makes him far more scary than any dark invention the Master of Horror has ever dreamed up.

That hit home a week or so ago, when Trump was spouting his usual nonsense up in Michigan and said this: "If I return to office I will cut electricity and energy prices by half within my first year!"

Something about that rang a bell. And then it dawned on me: It sounded very much like a line King had Greg Stillson say while on the campaign trail.

From "The Dead Zone," second paragraph, page 289 in the paperback edition:

"Third board!" Stillson roared. "... We're gonna have clean air and we're gonna have clean water and we're gonna have it in SIX MONTHS!"

Stillson as Trump. Trump as Stillson. Same tone, same loony promises, almost exactly the same rhythm and wording, 44 years apart.

If that doesn't make you shiver a little, you're a better man or woman than me. Or perhaps your mind doesn't run the same wild channels mine does.

Consider that a blessing, if so. Trust me.

The Yankees thing

 The New York Yankees advanced to their 19th ALCS last night with a 3-1 win over Kansas City, and, well, that's a damn shame. The Royals were a better story -- reaching the division series a year after losing 106 games, how's that for rags-to-riches? -- and they're one of those small-market clubs you're sort of obligated to cheer for, and ... and ...

Oh, hell. Let's be honest here. The Blob just doesn't like the Yankees.

It's not so much that they throw coinage around like Frisbees, buying their Giancarlo Stantons and Juan Sotos with their filthy big-boy money. Other swanky clubs do that, too. And it's not even that they have any particularly disagreeable personages to despise.

I mean, Aaron Judge seems like a dude. And Gerrit Cole was a Pirate until he got too good for their cheapo ownership to pay. And frankly, outside of those two, Soto, Stanton and Anthony Rizzo, I know next to zero about most of the other pinstripes.

Alex Verdugo? Jon Berti? Anthony Volpe? That Torres guy with the weird first name (Gleyber)?

Sorry. Got nothin'. 

Heck, even the way the Yankees won this series should be a plus. They didn't do it with neon and glitz. They ground it out with defense, pitching and just enough offense. No one personified that as much as Cole, who missed the first 2 1/2 months of the season with elbow trouble but slapped a padlock on the Royals' bat rack last night, scattering six hits and just one run across seven solid innings.

Still. 

Still, I have just one request of either Cleveland or Detroit in the ALCS: Beat these dopes.

Why?

Because George Steinbrenner was a jerk, and Billy Martin was a jerk, and Reggie Jackson was a jerk. That's why.

"Well, that's just stupid, Mr. Blob," you're saying now. "George and Billy are long dead. Reggie hasn't played in almost 40 years. And it's been nearly half a century since they were the ringmasters of that '70s Yankee circus everyone outside the five boroughs despised."

Yeah, I know. And you're right, it's stupid. It's also kind of pathetic if you think about it.

Nonetheless.

Go, you Guardians. Or, go, you Tigers.

Either one. Doesn't matter. Just do it.

Thursday, October 10, 2024

Touchy

 Ken Rosenthal has been writing about baseball, and baseball players, since Abner Doubleday did not invent the game, or so it seems. It's why Fox hired him as a dugout reporter, because he's been there and seen that and knows up from down as well as anyone.

This did not stop the San Diego Padres from essentially banning him from their dugout last night, according to the website Awful Announcing.

It happened because Rosenthal, in his other gig as a baseball reporter for The Athletic, wrote a column the Pads didn't care for. In it, he said Manny Machado throwing a baseball into the Los Angeles Dodgers dugout the other day was a "punkish response" to L.A. pitcher Jack Flaherty hitting Fernando Tatis Jr. earlier in the game.

"Manny being Manny," Rosenthal called this.

That's because it was. 

And that's because it was a punkish response.

Rosenthal also wrote Machado wasn't the only irritating Padre, that Nando can be a "smiling, dancing peacock," and that Jurickson Profar is like the kid who pulls the fire alarm at school and then says, "Who, me?".

Pretty tame stuff, with the added benefit of being true in Machado's case. Or at least I think it's tame stuff, if the opinion of a cranky codger who worked the sports beat for 40 years matters at all.

Nonetheless, the Padres got their shorts in a bunch about it, and refused to talk to Rosenthal.

In my day (while walking to school uphill both ways through the snow, natch) we would have called this "touchy." We also would have called the Padres a bunch of pansies, except we wouldn't have used the word "pansies."

Look. I get it. I do. It's a different time now, and athletes and organizations look down on us from Olympian piles of money which have given them a sense of entitlement outsized even by their standards. You'd think that would make them especially immune to the slings and arrows of mere mortals, but all it seems to have done is make them ... well, more touchy about them.

As in: "How dare mere mortals fire slings and arrows at us. They're mere mortals!"

I say this because the Rosenthal incident comes on the heels of the NFLPA wanting to ban reporters from its locker rooms, and from the WNBA players association getting all outraged because a highly decorated reporter asked a question the WNBPA deemed inappropriate.

No, wait. They deemed it "indecent."

This after Connecticut Sun guard DiJonai Carrington swiped at a Caitlin Clark pass during a first-round playoff game and got Clark in the eye with a fingernail. This immediately fired up the noxious "look-at-that-black-animal-picking-on-the-poor white-girl" crowd, who swore it was intentional even though it clearly wasn't.

Or at least it was clear to anyone who wasn't trying to mine some phony narrative.

Anyway, because Carrington had been less than complimentary of Clark in the past (more fuel for the phony narrative), the reporter in question, Christine Brennan of the Washington Post, asked Carrington in the postgame if the eye-poke was, in fact, intentional.

It was a completely legitimate question, given the context. And the reason it was legitimate is because it was Christine Brennan asking it. Christine Brennan generally doesn't ask questions just to stir up s***, despite what the WNBPA believes.

Brennan, it claimed in a statement was attempting "to bait a professional athlete into participating in a narrative that is false and designed to fuel racist, homophobic and misogynistic vitriol on social media."

Well, no one wants that. 

If that's what Brennan was actually trying to do, she deserved to be called out for it. Unfortunately for the WNBPA, it didn't look that way to anyone else -- or least to those of us who've sat in postgames uncounted times and asked elephant-in-the-room questions of those best equipped to answer them.

As one of the two principals involved in the play, Carrington was certainly that. You can fault Brennan for then asking if Carrington was laughing on the bench about it, because that might have been trying to stir up s***.

But the initial question merely gave Carrington the opportunity, on the record, to deny the phony narrative. It's been a couple of weeks now, and I'm still trying to figure out how that was a bad thing. And how it was Brennan being "indecent."

All I keep coming back to is what I said at the top of this: Everybody's touchy these days. This is especially of the WNBA, whose players and coaches are learning that the welcome spotlight Clark has focused on their league comes with sometimes less-than-welcome scrutiny, too. You don't get one without the other.

Even if it's mere mortals bringing it.