Tall order

 Watched Purdue center Zach Edey drop 38 on the Michigan State Spartans the other day, and afterward Michigan State coach Tom Izzo seemed less than charitable about that. Hinted, in so many words, that how good does a team have to be when all it has to do is throw the ball into the 7-4 guy all the time?

Maybe Izzo didn't intend for it to come off that way, to give him the benefit of the doubt. But the trolls on the Magic Twitter Thingy who followed his lead definitely meant it when they started chirping that Edey ain't all that, he's just tall.

The Blob says this, having watched the guy play: Watch the guy play.

Yeah, he's tall. Yeah, he collects a lot of loose ends around the glass because of that. But if you think he just stands around out there collecting points, rebounds and dust -- if you think he doesn't have any skills -- you must have started watching basketball yesterday.

I didn't. And I noticed some things the other day:

* One, he's the first low-blocks player I've seen in quite a spell who's developed an effective hook shot as a major part of his arsenal.

No big man seems to do that anymore, except sporadically. And I don't know why, because it's a hell of a weapon. But until Edey started tossing them in on a regular basis, it was the eight-track tape of basketball moves. 

* Two, he regularly beats double teams because he's not afraid of contact. 

Michigan State consistently doubled him the other day, and he still went to the tin and scored. Part of that is because, yes, he's 7-4. But if he were just a very tall traffic cone, he couldn't do that.

* Three, when teams collapse on him, he's a pretty effective passer out of it.

I wouldn't say he's great at it. But he finds the guy who's got the open look more often than not. And the rest of the Purdue cast is very good at knowing what to do when teams collapse on Edey. Over and above everything else, this is a very smart basketball team.

* Finally, rebounds do not come to him because he's magnetized. 

His height is a huge plus, unquestionably, but he also goes and gets the ball off the glass. He's more aggressive than you think a 7-4 guy would be, or that the handful of players his size generally have been.

All of this makes silencing Edey a very tall order for most opponents.

I know. Dad joke.

Those games: Some thoughts

 OK, class. So what did we learn from yesterday's NFL conference championship games, which will give us the Eagles against the Chiefs in a couple weeks?

Let me write it on the board for you:

1. You can't win a great big honkin' football game without a quarterback. As Rocky J. Squirrel is fond of saying, "That trick never works."

2. You can, however, win a great big honkin' football game if your quarterback is playing on one leg, or a leg-and-a-half, or some other fraction of two legs. But only if your quarterback is named Patrick Mahomes, and he's got cojones the size of beer kegs.

3. You also can come thisclose to ruining an amazing game (speaking of the aforementioned) if you're an NFL officiating crew that couldn't find its hindparts with a  nationwide hindparts hunt.

4.  That said, when you hit a guy two or three steps out of bounds they're gonna throw a flag on you every damn time. So, you know, don't do that.

5. That also said, if you didn't feel something watching the poor kid who hit Mahomes out of bounds sobbing on the bench  -- Joseph Ossai is his name, and he's only 22 -- you might want to check your heart. 'Cause you don't have one.

In any event, it's the Eagles and the Chiefs in two weeks in whichever Super Bowl this is. And you've gotta like the Eagles even though they just beat a 49ers team that was fresh out of quarterbacks the whole second half.

No disrespect to the Iggles, but how hard is it to crush someone 31-7 when that someone loses its quarterback (Brock Purdy) to an elbow injury in the first half ... and then loses its only remaining quarterback (Josh Johnson) ... and then has to bring back the injured-elbow guy even though he can't throw?

Answer: Not very hard. All you gotta do is stop the run because there ain't no pass.

And over in the AFC?

The Blob got that one wrong just like a lot of America, although it did say you never want to turn your back on Mahomes. Yes, the officiating was horrible, and a lot of crucial calls went against the Bengals (although most were correct). But Mahomes was Mahomes -- which is to say, sublime.

First off, he was throwing mostly to backup and backup-backup receivers. And he was making throws he shouldn't have been able to make with limited push off the injured leg. And then, at the end, he sprinted eight yards for the first down that set up the winning field goal.

Trying sprinting with a high ankle sprain sometime. Tell me how it goes.

In the end, Mahomes threw the football 43 times, completing 29 for 315 yards and two scores. He had to, because it was the only way the Chiefs were going to beat Joe Burrow and the Bengals, who never took their foot off the gas, either. 

So, again: Never turn your back on the guy. And especially don't run your mouths all week about "Burrowhead" Stadium, or have the mayor of your city go on camera to talk junk about how Burrow was Mahomes' daddy because Burrow was 3-0 against him.

'Twasn't smart, Mr. Mayor. Just gave Mahomes an opening to go all legendary on your Bengals, and he took it.

All the way to Glendale, Ariz., and Super Bowl Whatever.

The hell I say

 So I have these two miniature football figurines on my bookshelf, one of which is Patrick Mahomes of the Chiefs and the other of which  is Nick Bosa of the 49ers. And they're daring me to pick against them today.

"Bet against me at your peril!" Tiny Mahomes is saying.

"You can't seriously think Mr. Destiny, Brock Purdy, is going to lose NOW,, do you?" Tiny Bosa adds.

Well ...

Well, I dunno. Far be from me to argue with figurines, but I'm goin' with Cincinnati and Philadelphia today.

I'm goin' with the Bengals because Joe Burrow can't seem to lose right now, and somehow he never loses to Mahomes. And that's a healthy Mahomes we're talking about, not High-Ankle Sprain Mahomes, whom the Blob suspects is going to be a lot more hobbled than he and the Chiefs have let on this week.

And the Eagles?

I'm goin' with them because ... oh, hell, I don't know. Because they've been the best team in the NFC all season, unless it was the 49ers. Because they're home. Because I kinda feel about Jalen Hurts at this point the way I feel about Mahomes, which is that you don't want to ever bet against him.

"But you just bet against him," you're pointing out now.

Well ... yes. Let's say I'm conflicted.

Let's say I still like the 49ers a lot, especially with Christian McCaffrey. And I still think Mahomes -- a healthy Mahomes -- is the best quarterback in the game, and even if he's only 50 percent today you still don't want to turn your back on him.

I think Brock Purdy has proved he's not just some remainder-bin crud from Iowa State, but ye gods, that Philly pass rush. I think it's crazy there are people I know, smart people, who think the Chiefs are ripe to get blown out, but God help me I see how it could happen.

So, let's call it Bengals 28, Chiefs 17.

And let's call it Eagles 24, 49ers 21.

"The hell you say!" Tiny Mahomes just sneered.

"The hell you say!" Tiny Bosa just jeered.

And so the ridicule begins.

Representin'

 We forget, sometimes. In an era when men and women chase the next big payday to play games for our amusement, we forget, or we don't believe, or we raise a cynical eyebrow because it's a cynical age, and that's just how we roll.

But last night we were reminded: Even mercenaries become attached to the cities and communities and people they are paid so handsomely to represent.

Hard to doubt or be cynical about that as Memphis Grizzlies coach Taylor Jenkins talked and talked last night, in the wake of a citizen of Memphis being beaten to death by five goons in police uniforms. A young black father named Tyre Nichols, 29, wound up crumpled on the pavement after a simple traffic stop. It was 20 minutes before he received any medical treatment.

He died three days later. In his last extremities, as the five goons rained fists, boots and batons on him, he cried out piteously "Mama."

That's exactly what soldiers often cry out when the life is draining out of them on the battlefield. But this was an American street in an American city, and Tyre Nichols was just an American citizen driving home after taking pictures of the sky.

And not long after the bodycam footage was released Friday, there was Taylor Jenkins, talking and talking and talking up in Minneapolis, both before and after the Grizzlies lost to the Timberwolves.

He said the interview with Nichols' mother moved him to tears. He said it was tough being on the road, and he wished he could "extend my arms through this camera right now to the family." He said the Grizzlies were "playing for our city that's going through a lot right now."

If you're one of those compelled by the cynicism of our times to roll your eyes at that, may I be the first to damn you thoroughly.

Because, yes, our mercenary athletes do form bonds with the communities in which they play, no matter how long they do so. The best of them reach out to those communities; they show up in soup kitchens and donate to local charities and visit sick kids in children's hospitals. Peyton Manning even has his name on one of the latter in Indianapolis, where he spent the prime of his career.

So, yes, they form attachments, the best of them. Some of them even become synonymous with the cities in which they play, like Drew Brees and New Orleans or Peyton and Indy. And those attachments never really go away, even if they wind up somewhere else.

Remember Freddie Freeman of the Dodgers, who spent most of his first roadie to Atlanta in tears because he'd played there for so long and his heart was still there? You might question why he left, if so, but life is far messier and complicated than some people tell you it is. If it weren't, regret would not exist.

And so, Taylor Jenkins talked on and on last night. The Grizzlies and the Women's National Basketball Players Association released statements. Phoenix Suns guard Chris Paul said something, and Miami Heat coach Erik Spoelstra, and Grizzlies guard Jaren Jackson Jr. tweeted "We are with you" to the Nichols family, and "To Memphis, we are hurting, too." 

And if you are compelled to roll your eyes at any of that, or to regard it as meaningless, or to assign to it some political agenda devoid of honest empathy or emotion ...

Well. You know what you can with that today. 

It's what Jaren Jackson and Ja Morant and a bunch of other Grizzlies do on a regular basis on the basketball floor.

Stuff it.

 

Women’s hoops: A brief thought

 So remember the other day, when the Blob mentioned a certain former journalist turned Bible-thumping wingnut and his misogynist take on women’s college basketball?

Nobody cares about it, is basically what he said. Wondered why ESPN led with it the night before, and what the audience was for it.

Well …

Last night, No. 6 Indiana played No. 2 Ohio State in Assembly Hall. 

Indiana won by 13.

A tad more than 10,000 fans showed up.

People who’ve been around Assembly Hall for years said it was the loudest they’d ever heard the place.

Just to let the aforementioned wingnut know that, yes, there is an audience for this, and it's not exactly silent.

This week in kookery

 Hey, I'm with you, crazy people. I don't think Neil Armstrong walked on the moon, either.

I mean, if you watch the video, he kinda skipped. Or hopped. Or skip-hopped.

But sure, believe what you want, stitching together "evidence" that when put together amounts to a wisp of smoke. This is your time, crazy people. Your brethren and sisteren control an entire house of Congress, and will now be launching a veritable Investigationpalooza that will waste our tax dollars plunging down rabbit holes to prove Dr. Fauci is actually Dr. Mengele, and Joe Biden is a secret pedophile in league with socialist communist gay-grooming illegals.

Oh, and did you hear the latest about Buffalo Bills defensive back Damar Hamlin?

Turns out he’s actually dead.

 See, the docs and the government and, sure, Dr. Fauci, are covering it up because the COVID vaccine killed him and they're trying to keep it quiet. That's why no one has actually seen or heard from him since he went into sudden cardiac arrest and collapsed on that Monday night.

"But, Mr. Blob," you're saying now. "He's been seen and heard from plenty. He was even at the game last weekend when the Bills lost to the Bengals in the divisional playoffs."

Wrong, sheeple!

See, according to the crazy people, that was NOT ACTUALLY DAMAR. It was a BODY DOUBLE. Why do you  think he was all bundled up so you couldn't see his face?

"Because it was30 degrees and snowing like hell and he's still recovering from, well, basically dying?" you're saying.

Fools! It's because he's DEAD, and THAT WASN'T HIM!

"Oh, you're just making this up," you're saying. "Nobody's that nutso. Nobody's such a batshite kook they'd believe that."

To which the Blob responds, "Ahem."

"Wow," you're saying now, after clicking on the link above. "The crazy people really are crazy."

Yup.

Retirement blues

 Tom Brady got all mad at the media the other day because they keep asking him what he's gonna do next, and he dropped a couple of f-bombs in basically saying he doesn't know what he's gonna do next.

 This means he was either sick of the media asking (likely), or mad at himself because he really does have no idea what he's going to do next (possibly).

Rumors have him either retiring or going to Denver, Miami, Las Vegas, Carolina, San Francisco or wherever Sean Payton winds up. One social media guy even suggested Detroit as a possible desti-Brady-nation.

Well. As an old retired guy myself, I have a few suggestions should Rest Home Tom decide on the hang-it-up option:

1. Follow through on the conditional TV deal he allegedly has and make bazillions for saying stuff like "Ya know, this Patrick Mahomes guy is really good."

2. Throw himself full-tilt-boogie into organic farming so he can grow his own supply of all that weird crap he eats.

3. As a side hustle, launch his own diet plan:, Tom-O, which will be his answer to the Keto diet.

4. Create delicate figurines from the bones of his vanquished enemies.

5. Oh, wait. That was Conan the Barbarian.

6. Go to Bill Belichick's house, leave a bag of flaming poop on his front step and then ring the doorbell and run away laughing.

7. Speaking of pranks, walk down the street with an NFL official, bump into someone and have the official yell "Roughing the passer!" and throw a flag at the poor guy. Run away laughing.

8. Or ... call Peyton Manning's house, and when he answers say "Do you have Prince Albert in a can?"

9. Sit in a rocking chair on his front porch all day and gripe about how much softer players are now compared to when he played.

And last but not least ...

10. Take up whittling.