Stupid geography

The world was too ridiculous to even bother to live in.

-- Jack Crabb, "Little Big Man"

Boy howdy there, Mr. Crabb. You sure hit that one on the noggin.

The world is too ridiculous to live in these days, and it's getting ridiculous-er by the day. We got us basketball players (Kyrie Irving) who think the Earth is flat, and football players (Aaron Rodgers) who think America's pre-eminent epidemiologist is Josef Mengele. And we got us hysterical (or cynical) politicians who tell us Commies and Muslims are trying to take over America and make us all buy crappy Soviet-era cars and pray to Mohammed five times a day.

And that's not even mentioning the senile old fart in the White House, who picks fights with Canada, of all people, and shut down the Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts because he refused to renovate it unless they stuck his name on it, too.

Also, he says he'll pay us all $5,000 if the Republicans win in November. Which sure sounds to me like bribing folks to vote Republican, but what do I know.

Oh, yes: And he likes renaming stuff he can't really rename.

Which brings us today's Stupid Geography Trick, which is the Cleveland city council voting to rename a large swatch of Lake Erie the Gulf of Cleveland. Now, apparently this was all very tongue-in-cheek, a splendid trolling of El Presidente by the council. Sort of like, "You know how absurd it is to rename international bodies of water you have no authority to rename? Watch THIS."

In any case, it's yet more fodder for the Blob's seventh-grade-boy sense of humor ...

Q: What did the part of Lake Erie designated for renaming say when it found out?

A: "The Gulf of CLEVELAND?? Aw, HELL, no!"

I got a million of 'em, I tell ya.

Here's another one: If Lake Ontario is Lake America now, and part of Lake Erie is the Gulf of Cleveland, what's our next geographical snatch-and-grab? The senile old fart already has his eye on both Niagara Falls, or so the story goes. And if we can steal Canada's falls for our own, the sky (soon to be renamed "The American Sky") would seem to be the limit.

President Trump: I hereby sign an executive order to rename the Canadian Yukon the "AmeriKon."

President Trump again: I hereby sign an executive order to rename Greenland "Ours," and Iceland "Ours, Too," and Venezuela "You Damn Right It's Ours."

Also President Trump: And from now on, Nova Scotia, whatever that is, will be known as BOSSA Nova Scotia here in the U.S. And the "Montreal Canadiens" will be called the "Montreal Boom Shakalakas" because "Canadiens" sounds French, and really woke, besides.

A million of 'em, I'm tellin' ya. A million of 'em.