And now this week's edition of The NFL In So Many Words, the unremittingly polite Blob feature of which critics have said "Polite? Polite would be this wretched thing leaving the room, metaphorically speaking", and also "Polite? Yeah, about as polite as belching in church":
1. "You mean to say you haven't won here in a decade? Well, goodness, here you go, then." (The winless Jaguars, who tried to gift the Colts a win in Jacksonville for the first time since 2014, but managed to get their first W in spite of themselves)
2. "No, no, you need the W more than we do. Here, take it." (The J-ville jinxed Colts, who had the game lost, then had the game tied, then realized where they were and said, "Oh, right.")
3. In other news, the Panthers, the Bills, the Bengals, the Steelers. Also the Patriots, the Seahawks, the Browns, the Saints.
4. Graciously held the door to W open for the Bears, the Texans, the Ravens and the Cowboys. Just like the Patriots, Seahawks, Browns and Saints did for the floundering Dolphins, the so-so Giants, the resurgent Commanders and the mighty Chiefs.
5. "Hey, what about US? How come no one's holding the door open for US?" (The perpetually Jets-ing J-E-T-S Jets-Jets-Jets, after losing in London to the still-unbeaten Vikings)
6. "Ah, screw you. Like anyone's ever held the door open for us." (The also perpetually-snakebitten Vikings)
7. Meanwhile, back in Jacksonville ...
8. "No, really, we insist." (The Jags)
9. "No, no, we insist." (The Colts)
10. And so on.
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