Derby time ...

 ... in which the Blob once more professes his undying love for the Kentucky Derby, a sporting event he's never attended and understands even less, except for that song by Dan Fogelberg ("Run for the Roses") and that story by Hunter S. Thompson ("The Kentucky Derby Is Decadent And Depraved"). Also the Twin Spires and mint juleps and old guys who dress like Harlan Sanders, and ladies who wear hats constructed by either Frank Lloyd Wright or Home Depot.

"But what about the horses, Mr. Blob?" you're saying now. "Surely your depth of insight into horses and such can guide us toward a productive betting experience?"

Hmm. Well, here's a name you might want to remember: Secretariat.

"But Secretariat's dead!" you're saying.

Well, yes.

But mentioning Secretariat, the greatest thoroughbred in history, allows me to mention Mage, who was not Secretariat but a 15-1 shot who somehow horsed around (Get it? Horsed around?) and won the Derby last year. And it allows me to mention Rich Strike, who was REALLY not Secretariat, but an 80-1 meat loaf who started on the very outside in 2022 and, you guessed it, also won the Derby that year.

In other words, the last two Derby winners have been mutts. Which might make you pause a moment before you plunk down your hard-earned two bucks on this year's Derby favorites, Fierceness and Sierra Leone.

You can probably throw Catching Freedom in there, too, and T.O. Password and Forever Young, a pair of Japanese horses whom the people who know about these things have mentioned as possible winners.

Me?

Hey, don't look at me. My only horsey wisdom consists of the following:

1. Never bet on the gray horse. Gray horses are frequently Alpo.

2. Bet the jockey. Whoever Tobey MacGuire is riding would be a fine choice, seeing he did such a great job in "Seabiscuit."

3. Bet the trainer. Look for someone who wears a lot of tweed and goes by names like Peter Rouse Merriott Chard or Ian Michael Grayson Braithwaite. Do not look for That Guy With The White Hair, aka Bob Baffle or Biffle or Baffert or something. It seems Churchill Downs is still miffed at him for cheating a couple years back, and thus he remains banned from the premises.

And last but not least ...

4. Bet the mutts. Because after the last two years, who knows?

Besides, there's a trend going on down in Louisville these days, and it's a damned interesting one. My sportswriting acquaintance and longtime Derby reporter Rick Bozich alerted me to it the other day, when he wrote a piece pointing out that five of the last eight Derby winners never won another race. Either they got hurt and had to be retired, or they never again caught the same lightning in a mint julep they did on the first Saturday in May.

Now, I don't know a fetlock from the Soo locks or a wither from whither-thou-goest, but this sounds like an open invitation to take a flier on Society Man or West Saratoga or Epic Ride, all of whom opened this morning at 50-1. Of those, I say put some bitcoin down on Epic Ride, who's only in the field because another horse scratched and who starts way out there from the 20 hole. 

Which means he might as well be starting from, I don't know, Jeffersonville. Or maybe New Albany.

Here's the thing, though: Epic Ride is exactly where Rich Strike was two years ago (Rich Strike was also a scratch replacement). So I say go for it. Hell, it's not my money.

Just make sure Ian Michael Grayson Braithwaite has something to do with it.