Today in teetotaling

 Sometimes when the words "National Football League" pop into my head, I see the stern gaze of some 19th-century Yankee preacher, frosty-eyed and disapproving, looking as if he's thisclose to condemning his flock to the eternal fires for skipping on the way to Sunday school.

"You are so weird," you're saying now.

Wouldn't think of denying it.

But weird or not, this is the image that came to me when I read about the Washington Commanders disciplining a few of their players the other day before the NFL could jump in and do it for them. The players offense?

Having a few beers on the plane ride home from Philadelphia.

Where the Commanders had just knocked off the previously unbeaten Eagles Thursday night, an occasion certainly worthy of a little joyful lubrication. Apparently, however, it's against league rules to drink on team planes. Or on team buses, for that matter. Or in team locker rooms, offices and practice facilities.

Violations, commissioner Roger Goodell reminded everyone in a memo yesterday, would result in "significant discipline."

Me?

I think Roger would have made a hell of a teetotaler. And that he and Carrie Nation -- both dressed in servere-est black, and with Carrie raising her famous ax -- would have made a great NFL publicity still.

This is not to be flippant, understand, even if it sounds like it. I get that when alcohol and football players collide, events frequently turn gruesome and tragic. And I get that there are liability issues for both the ballclubs and the league itself because of that.

But a few beers on the ride home after a big win?

Come on, Rog. Loosen the tie and unbutton the top button, dude. 

And, OK, maybe ridicule wouldn't come this easily if it weren't the Commanders we're talking about, miscreants and sickos that they are. I mean, seriously, all the heinous business they've been involved in during Daniel Snyder' misbegotten reign? And you're punishing your players for hoisting a few cold ones?

You can almost hear it: Sorry, boys, we gotta punish you. Sexually harassing female employees and pimping out our team cheerleaders may be business as usual for our ballclub, but a couple of beers on the team plane? How dare you!

Ay-yi-yi. And you know the worst part?

The worst part is one detail from the ESPN story about this: That video showed Washington quarterback Taylor Heinicke "holding Busch Light beer."

Busch Light??

Good God, man. He shoulda been tossed out of the plane for that.