Home Run Dreary

 Pete Alonso of the New York Mets goes for his third straight All-Star Home Run Derby title tonight, but I only know this because I Googled "All-Star Home Run Derby" and several Alonso stories popped up. Including one containing Pete's tips for Derby success, for heaven's sake.

See, I can name every winner of the Indianapolis 500 on command, a nerdtastic feat that always provokes howls of laughter and "God, you're so weird!" pronouncements from my friends. But I couldn't have told you Pete Alonso had won the last two Derbies on a bet.

This is because the Home Run Derby is more like Home Run Dreary for me. Watching muscle-y dudes swat batting-practice pitches out of the park doesn't do it for me. It's like watching 7-footers with hops dunk; I always think, "Well, sure. Shouldn't they be able to?"

"But, Mr. Blob, it's still a great show," you're saying. "Especially when it comes down to the end and Player A needs to tag three or four in his last ups to catch Player B. Now that's exciting!"

Yeah ... I suppose. But what can I say? I am weird, plus a little ADD-ish. It just doesn't hold my interest.

Now, maybe if you replaced the batting practice pitchers in the final round with actual major league pitchers bringing 95-mph heat ...

That I'd find intriguing. Especially if Shohei Ohtani was in the finals, and you could somehow conjure up an AI Ohtani to pitch to himself.

Would that be cool, or what?