Dear 2021

 Dear 2021:

In 15 or so hours we say goodbye, and thank God for that. All the unkind things we said about 2020 -- Get the (bleep) outta here, and (Bleep), you're still here?, and (Bleep) (bleeper) (bleeping) (bleep-bleep) -- we're now saying about you.

It's as if 2020 responded by saying "(Bleep) you, I'm going to put this 2021 mask on and stick around for another year! How you like THEM apples, (bleepers)?"

Well ... we don't.

I mean, you began, 2021, with our raving, delusional Previous Occupant sending his mob of gun-toting loonies to attack the seat of American government, a scary but pitiful attempt to overturn his blowout election loss. Some called it an insurrection, some called it a failed coup, but mostly it was just a ginormous temper tantrum -- the Previous Occupant's Beer Hall Putsch, if you will, only dumber.

A few days later, the actual winner of the election was inaugurated. And a couple of days after that, as if you couldn't stand to leave us alone for EVEN A MNUTE, Henry Aaron died.

Yeah, thanks for that, 2021. And thanks for killing Don Sutton and Elgin Baylor and Marty Schottenheimer and Marvelous Marvin Hagler and Wayne Gretzky's dad, too. And John Madden and BETTY WHITE?

That was a sweet signoff to the year. Bastard.

No, 2021, you were not the response we were looking for when we said "At least it won't be 2020 anymore." Instead, you replied, "Oh, yeah? Watch this."

To repeat myself: Bastard.

Oh, and thanks for the Bastard Plague, which stuck around and then mutated and turned the Olympics into Citius, Altius, Fortius, Emptius, and now is trying its best to ruin the NBA and NHL seasons and the NFL playoffs. 

Good stuff?

Well, we did get Helio Castroneves' fourth Indy 500 win, and Tiger Woods and his son Charlie playing golf together, and the Astros losing another World Series. Ghislaine Maxwell, sexual predator Jeffrey Epstein's pimp, got sentenced to the hoosegow for procuring underage girls to sate Epstein's pedophilia. And we finally got the hell out of Afghanistan, even if the Biden administration botched the exit.

That was good, 2021. But then, of course, you had to give us degenerates like Trevor Bauer, and crazy people like Kyrie Irving and Marjorie Taylor Greene and Lauren Boebert, and all the loony anti-vaxxers who've so helped muck up Sportsball World. Oh, and a few more mass shootings from the usual collection of psycho gun nuts.

Doesn't quite come out even, 2021. And so out the door you go.

And please DO let it hit you in the hindparts on the way out.

(Bleep) you,

The Blob