Wordplay

The word out of Canton, O,, this week is that certain high school football coaches aren't conversant with either the English language or the workings of the Constitution. Or perhaps both.

This is not really surprising, especially the latter. Coaches, almost exclusively the lousy ones, have been confusing abuse with discipline since Coach Slobberknocker first beat his wayward lads with rubber hoses back in the days of the flying wedge and Amos Alonzo Stagg.

What happened, or might have, at Canton McKinley High School back on May 24 wasn't that. But it happened, or didn't, because Coach and his staff didn't get the word.

That word is "voluntary." Apparently its meaning escaped them.

Because it did, in one version of the story, a Jewish player was forced to eat an entire pepperoni pizza, despite his religious beliefs forbidding the eating of pork or its residue. He was told he had to do this or the entire team would be punished with extra work.

The head coach, Marcus Wattley, two of his assistants and a baseball coach present in the weight room at the time were subsequently fired. Their version of the story, backed by several players, is that the kid was offered chicken nuggets instead of the pizza when he told the coaches he couldn't eat pork. They also said he was free to go at any time.

So it's your classic he-said, they-said. What's not in dispute is the definition of "voluntary."

See, the kid was being punished for skipping a voluntary team workout. Well, if it was truly voluntary, then why did this happen?

That's the real crux of this, and I'd love to hear Coach and his assistants try to explain it. You're strong-arming this kid -- and if you're pitting him against his teammates, that's exactly what you're doing -- because he skipped a team function where his presence wasn't required? How the hell does that happen?

Look. I get it. From the NFL on down, they play games with words in this man's game. OTAs on the pro level are allegedly voluntary, too, but woe betide if you miss one. Same on the quasi-pro college level, and (apparently) same on the high school level.

And so the coaches' contention that the kid could have left any time he wanted is a knee-slapping joke. Yeah, he was "free" to leave. But he was supposedly free not to show up for that workout, too, and look what happened.

What would the price have been for him leaving?

As for the kids who've backed their coaches' play ... well let's be honest. What young football player angling for playing time at McKinley, a longtime Ohio powerhouse, is going to do otherwise?

Here's what I think: As in most he-said/they-said dynamics, the truth probably lies somewhere between the competing narratives. Which still justifies showing these clowns the road.

Perhaps with a dictionary for the journey.