Look what's back

 No, not the Battle of the Network Stars, although that would be fun. Especially if the participants all had to wear high-water shorts and knee-length tube socks like they did in the original.

Sorry, but no. The correct answer is the USFL, baby!

A Battle of the Network Stars contemporary, sort of, and something America has been clamoring for almost as much. Which is to say, not at all.

No matter. Fox is bringing it back next spring, and it won't even be the 2.0 version. It will be The USFL, Baby! with all the same teams and logos and uni designs.

This means you can haul out that Houston Gamblers jersey you've been keeping for 35 years for just this occasion, and you'll be as with-it as ever. The Gamblers! The Chicago Blitz! The Washington Federals! The New Jersey Generals!

Ah, these are the days, one more time. And the best part, speaking of the Generals, is Donald Trump won't be around to blow up the league like he did the first time, having descended into madness and obsession that reportedly grows madder and more obsessed every day.

It is a mind-shredding thing, after all, when a delusional megalomaniac is so utterly rejected by a nation that refused to recognize his greatness. One must devote all of one's energies to believing what happened didn't happen, in such a case.

This means he won't be around to bully the owners of the new USFL into a bidding war with the NFL, which destroyed the former in less than 18 months. So pudding-headed was the Donald, and so insufferably arrogant about it, that Tampa Bay Bandits owner John Bassett once sent him a letter offering to knock Donny-boo's teeth down his throat if he didn't shut the hell up.

Well, those days are done. Donny-boo is rattling around Mar-a-Lago like Napoleon at Elba, talking to the ghosts of fictitious ballots. And Bassett, one of the USFL's best men, sadly died of brain cancer years ago.

But their teams are going to live again next spring, at least for awhile. It's inevitable the USFL will succumb to cash-flow starvation again, just like every pro football entity not named the National Football League has for 50 years. But in the meantime, whoever lands the apparel deal for the new/old USFL will make a pile selling new Gamblers and Blitz and  Generals jerseys.

Order yours today!