Cub World, in slogans

So now we're a week deep in February, and, yeah, it's February-ing. The sun is a rumor. The windchill has a "-" in front of it. The world slumbers beneath a blanket of white, everything else is gray and/or also white, and, oh, look, it's time to go shovel the driveway again for the 1,347th time.

Yessir. February sucks. 

But do you hear that?

It's spring, whispering beneath all that implacable winter silence. It's spring, telling us this, too, shall pass, that someday there will be color again, and green growth, and breezes that don't come with a fistful of razor blades.

It's the rumble and blare of muscle cars down there in Daytona, Fla., where on Sunday they wind 'em up and go flatfooting around again like it was June or July or steaming August. And in just a few more days, in Florida and Arizona, summer's official invocation -- "pitchers and catchers report" -- will again be heard.

Which brings us, in the Blob's usual meandering, unmade bed way, to your Chicago Cubs.

The Blob has confessed before it doesn't know why the Cubs do what they do, but after a brief interlude when competence was a thing on the north side of Chicago, they've gone back to doing it. This offseason they've unaccountably dismantled a division champion, selling value for parts as if they were suddenly destitute. Not even the Blob's cruddy, Dollar General Pittsburgh Pirates have dumped salary this hard.

Know how I know this?

Because one of the the Cubs' recent acquisitions is a pitcher named Trevor Williams, an injury-plagued righty the cruddy Pirates were poised to ship back to the minors. In other words, he's not even good enough to win a roster spot on the worst team in baseball. How's that for a pickup?

Of course, there's also Joc Pederson, a career .230 bench jockey whom the Cubs just got for a song from the Dodgers. And  Sergio Alcantara, who batted .143 for Detroit last year.

The Cubs claimed him after the Tigers, next-to-last in the American League in 2020, placed him on waivers. So again they snatched up a guy not even one of baseball's worst teams wanted.

All of this gets the Blob to wondering how the Cubs are going to market themselves this year. Why, the slogans almost write themselves ...

Cubs 2021: First In Your Hearts, Fourth In The NL Central!

Cubs 2021: You're Gonna Love(able) 'Em!

Cubs 2021: STILL Better Than Pittsburgh!

Cubs 2021: STILL Your 2016 World Series Champions!

Cubs 2021: The Beer's Just As Cold And Delicious As Ever!

Cubs 2021: And God Knows You'll Need It!

Yikes.